Ally McBeal
The Oddball Parade

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The Oddball Parade

The lights fade and Tina Turner is announced. Everyone claps. Tina lip-synchs badly to her own song. I don't think it's her fault; they just put the sound on at the wrong speed or something. Richard wonders if Tina had a wattlectomy. He asks where Ally is, and the lights come up on her. She's swinging back and forth, back and forth in her own spotlight. She's right next to Tina. As Ally keeps in time to the music (there is no need for the shaking that happened last night) she shows how many more Tae-Bo moves she knows. Ally keeps her vacant stare, but it keeps focusing on Billy and Sandy exchanging intimate glances. The song continues. Ally keeps dancing, and then they show the audience, but everyone is blonde. Wha? Oh, God. At first I thought I had too many beers, but as they show the shot again it's clear that they've made a Being Billy Malkovich scene that's just incredibly frightening. It's more like Aphex Twin's "Come To Daddy." Hundreds of Billys fill the room and cheer for Ally. Billy and Sandy giggle. Ally winces. Lots of Billys. They clap and cheer and shout Ally's name. Tina sings. Ally moves back and forth. Room full of Billys. Elaine cheers. Billy claps. Tina Tinas. Vacant stare from Ally. Billy and Sandy. Roomful of Billy on the forty-five. The Billys toss something that looks like rose petals at her. She closes her eyes so we can see the tremendous amount of blue eye shadow they put on her. Billy smiles in slow motion. Ally opens her eyes in slow motion. Sandy claps in slow motion. Billy stares at Sandy. Ally doesn't even really move anymore, but just stares at Billy. The Billys toss more rose petals. Fade to commercial as Ally thinks that she'll never have one day of happiness. Lord, I hope not.

More Nelle, but she's still talking about her hair. Hope she's got a good lock on that contract, at least.

Ally is angry and storms into the office the next morning. Elaine tries to talk to her, but Ally doesn't want to talk to anyone. She's bratty. Very bratty. Elaine asks if Ally met Tina Turner. Ally says, "I said I don't want to talk about it, but you keep talking about it. Now what part of 'I don't want to talk about it' do you not understand?" Hit her! Kevin Spacey walks out one more time to see if someone will go to lunch. Elaine says that she's talking about Ally, Ally's favorite subject, so she doesn't see what the problem is. Billy walks up, which prompts Ally to brat that he's the last person she wants to talk to. As she walks off Elaine says, "One night, she's a diva." Like this is new. Ally slams her door.

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Ally McBeal

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