Ally McBeal
The Wedding

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Gwen: C- | Grade It Now!
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Do a Little Dance, Kill a Little Baby

Oh, yeah...and there were a bunch of meta-statements and significant looks that were supposed to indicate that Ally was mentally drawing comparisons between Malcolm's situation and her own. But you could have guessed that, right? I bet you also could have guessed that when I hit stop on my VCR and saw a few moments of The Young and the Restless, I realized that the whole cast had been frozen in time. Only Nina's son Philip has aged, and he's made up for everyone else's refusal to age by going from age five to age eighteen in only eight years. I jot down, "Web search -- Y&R plastic surgeon" on the pad near my computer and go on with the recap.

In the courthouse hall, Ally sits her clients down and tells them about her ruined love for Billy and for Larry. We learn that Rev. Harris did, indeed, meet Larry Paul, and that he found him "dandy." Ally explains to Malcolm that even after what's happened, she still believes in love and in the fact that she will love and be loved again. Malcolm absorbs this and then says, "But the prom's Friday." Horror-movie music plays as Ally's eyes widen. I don't understand why. My phone rings. I pick it up and one of my friends says, "Moulin? Rouge." I see Nicole Kidman on the TV screen. "Hel-lo...mocha choco-latta ya ya, Miss Thing," I say. I hang up and get back to work.

We see Ally in military basic training. The drill sergeant forces her to say that she can live without a man and that "men suck, sir!" Ally wakes up in the proverbial cold sweat (the proverb being, "He who lies down with the melodramatic subplots wakes up with the cold sweat") and drags herself out of bed.

Jane walks up next to Ling in the F&C lobby, saying, "Hi, Ling" as winningly as she can. Ling totally ignores her. This scene would have been much more effective if the two women hadn't been wearing the same basic polyester halter dress, just in two different prints. Or maybe it was meant to show that Jane is trying to imitate the women of Fish & Cage in an effort to make friends. That might be more subtle than the wardrobe people's abilities can account for, though. Jane sighs and sits at her desk. Richard walks up and asks how Jane's doing. She tells him about the coldness of his associates, although you can tell she's trying to stay chipper about it. She incompetently answers a phone call while Richard looks pensive.

Ally sits in church, gazing upward every few seconds. Malcolm comes out of the vestibule (or whatever it is) with an armload of books and asks whether she's praying. She quickly demurs, as if praying in a church would be beneath her, and says that she came to see him. They talk about the fact that he'd asked to sing at prom. He says he did it because he'd worried that the other kids would make fun of Andrea for going with him, and he wanted to show them he was good at something. Ally says he should still sing. Hell, yeah, he should. You go, Malcolm. Sing at the prom and then sing karaoke at a bar the night after that. Malcolm says that he's not going to the prom alone. He's "not that pathetic." Ally offers to go with him. That would be really sweet if she weren't Ally McBeal, who always makes everything all about herself. Malcolm agrees, though, and Ally peels out in fast motion to get herself a dress.

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Ally McBeal

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