John tells Richard his predicament. He lied about being a singer. I'm so glad he said that, because at first I was afraid that he was really supposed to be one. I remember his performance during last season's finale. I still wake up in a cold sweat sometimes after having nightmares about it. Richard advises John to cover his lie with a bigger lie -- to say that he has a "throat polyp." What's with the polyps on this show? John declares that he'll tell Kimmy the truth at their lunch that day.

In the Unisex, Mark asks Elaine whether she's picked her song. She hasn't yet. He's concerned that her ploy for attention seems a little desperate. Elaine remarks that this is coming from a man who'd date a woman with a "schlong." Mark inhales loudly. Elaine apologizes for her rudeness and then tells him that she hasn't had a real boyfriend in seven years. She is desperate. I don't know why Mark's giving her a hard time about wanting to sing on stage. There are worse things she could do for attention. She could scream during a wedding. She could hallucinate old R&B singers. She could rub her napkin all over her mouth.

Back in the courtroom, a WKGB exec is babbling about losing their viewers' trust. He has to admit that ratings didn't go down after Stevens's "cynical proclamation." However, his grandson was "pole-axed" when he heard it on the news. The defense calls "little Jacob Ray" to the stand. John objects on the grounds that calling a child as a witness is manipulative. Judge Seymore Walsh overrules and postpones little Jacob Ray's testimony until after lunch.

Larry hangs an ornament on a plant in his office. Ally strolls in and slobbers on him a bit. Larry asks if she's disappointed about his having a son. She claims she's not. Larry says that he used to ride sleighs and make snow angels with his son, but since they've been apart, he hasn't wanted to do any of those traditional Christmas activities. Ally looks at him soulfully and says, "But now you have me. I'll replace what you've lost. I could pass for a seven-year-old boy, couldn't I?" Oh, no, that's not what she said. I've got to get the sound adjusted on this old TV set.