Ally McBeal
'Tis The Season

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Jingle Bells, This Show Smells

Kendall Stevens sits on the witness stand and watches the video of himself exposing the real deal about Santa. He testifies that any child watching his commentary on the news would have already known the truth -- or should have. Stevens tells about the day his little brother found out Santa wasn't real. Then he says that he shouldn't have been fired for telling the truth. Coincidentally, I was saying just yesterday that I wish I'd never tried to make my oldest kid believe in Santa Claus. The lies and explanations get to be a big pain in the ass, I find. I'm not saying that I care about the outcome of this case at all -- I'm just telling you that it's a timely topic.

At The Restaurant, John tells Kimmy about the day that he realized Santa was a fraud. Kimmy didn't find out until her freshman year in college. John segues into a comment on the sheltered life she's led. She claims that she dated a rock star. Actually, she met one after a concert and he asked her to "touch his willie." She refused (I assume) and that was the "date." Every guy Kimmy's ever dated has been a singer. She loves singers. John says that he had a band in college. Kimmy gets all excited and asks John to sing her a song at The Bar for her Christmas present. John says, "This is our second date. Who the hell said I was getting you anything for Christmas?" Oh, actually, he doesn't say that. Instead he feels silly for lying in order to devirginize Kimmy.

Ally rests her head on Larry's lap and forces him to watch Miracle on 34th Street. Ally admits that it's presumptuous to say so, but she'd have to think twice about having kids with a guy who doesn't love Christmas. Larry drops the bomb on her: he has a seven-year-old son who lives in Detroit with his mother. Ally thought Larry's ex-wife lived in Boston, though. "She does," says Larry. Ally figures out that his son was not a product of wedlock, then. The oboe plays us into commercials. Yes, a child in Detroit is a sad situation.

John tells Richard his predicament. He lied about being a singer. I'm so glad he said that, because at first I was afraid that he was really supposed to be one. I remember his performance during last season's finale. I still wake up in a cold sweat sometimes after having nightmares about it. Richard advises John to cover his lie with a bigger lie -- to say that he has a "throat polyp." What's with the polyps on this show? John declares that he'll tell Kimmy the truth at their lunch that day.

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Ally McBeal

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