John's in Richard's office, telling him of his Hots for Heather. He says she has a "way" and a "mellifluous voice." What, no mention of the legs and the rest? How about her whip-smart brain, hidden underneath all that blonde hair? Richard suggests John marry her, since everyone else has. Hee. John says, almost as a non sequitur, that Heather "isn't promiscuous." Um, yeah. So? Richard said get married, not just bone her. And John loves her toned, supple arms. "She has the forearm of a newborn's mother. That's it! It's the love-muscle of a newborn's mother!" What? She has the arm of a baby's what now? Is that better than a baby's arm?
New Guy is asking Nelle to be "nice" to the bastard husband for him. Nelle isn't comfortable with pretending and leading a guy on like that, but she'll do it anyway. New Guy strides out exchanging a word with Richard. "Jade." "Fish." Richard asks Nelle if New Guy is "any good." Nelle says she isn't sure, but will let Fish know if Jade has the stuff. Dude, who cares? Four more episodes, woo!
The prosecution introduces a new witness. John objects three times. Miss Bump chimes in with one of her own. Judge Albert Hall will allow it. And, hey, it's Lara Flynn Boyle, playing someone other than Helen Gamble. Who is she, asks John? Heather says, "Oh, no. An ex...friend." They worked together, at Beth Israel hospital, and were roommates six years ago. Opposing counsel asks if they were lovers. John objects strenuously. Judge Albert Hall says he will tape John's mouth shut.
Later, after John's mouth is taped shut, LFB testifies to the fact that, though they are both "heterosexuals" and not at all gay, they were very close friends who came to the consensus that "no one knows how to touch a woman better than another woman. Erotic is soft and gentle. Sometimes delicate." And Heather has "the most delicate touch on earth." LFB "contract[s] just looking at her." But remember, she's a heterosexual. Even though the best sex she ever had was with a woman. Okay. Okay, DEK, you are clearly a titillation whore. How many people, do you think, just got off on the image of LFB and Heather Locklear touching each other? I won't venture a guess. And still, your shit gets canceled. You know why? When people tune in to Fox at 9 PM, they aren't looking for nudity-free soft-core voice-over parodies. They can rent that at the store. Maybe you deliver some tinglies now and then, with the casting and innuendo, but guess what? The people have spoken. They can get porn on-line. From TV, they want the funny. And you're not bringing it. What's my name?