New Guy is asking Nelle to be "nice" to the bastard husband for him. Nelle isn't comfortable with pretending and leading a guy on like that, but she'll do it anyway. New Guy strides out exchanging a word with Richard. "Jade." "Fish." Richard asks Nelle if New Guy is "any good." Nelle says she isn't sure, but will let Fish know if Jade has the stuff. Dude, who cares? Four more episodes, woo!
The prosecution introduces a new witness. John objects three times. Miss Bump chimes in with one of her own. Judge Albert Hall will allow it. And, hey, it's Lara Flynn Boyle, playing someone other than Helen Gamble. Who is she, asks John? Heather says, "Oh, no. An ex...friend." They worked together, at Beth Israel hospital, and were roommates six years ago. Opposing counsel asks if they were lovers. John objects strenuously. Judge Albert Hall says he will tape John's mouth shut.
Later, after John's mouth is taped shut, LFB testifies to the fact that, though they are both "heterosexuals" and not at all gay, they were very close friends who came to the consensus that "no one knows how to touch a woman better than another woman. Erotic is soft and gentle. Sometimes delicate." And Heather has "the most delicate touch on earth." LFB "contract[s] just looking at her." But remember, she's a heterosexual. Even though the best sex she ever had was with a woman. Okay. Okay, DEK, you are clearly a titillation whore. How many people, do you think, just got off on the image of LFB and Heather Locklear touching each other? I won't venture a guess. And still, your shit gets canceled. You know why? When people tune in to Fox at 9 PM, they aren't looking for nudity-free soft-core voice-over parodies. They can rent that at the store. Maybe you deliver some tinglies now and then, with the casting and innuendo, but guess what? The people have spoken. They can get porn on-line. From TV, they want the funny. And you're not bringing it. What's my name?
New Guy, Nelle, and the husband's lawyer meet. New Guy says he'll let the whole world (including the husband's co-workers and "girlfriend") know about the quarter-pounder-with-cheese thing. Yeah, an open trial will do that. New Guy "relish[es]" describing in court the idea that the husband wanted to "hold the mayo." Nelle holds her tongue, then when New Guy leaves, advises the lawyer that she'll work on getting New Guy to settle.
John, Heather, and Miss Bump roll into chambers before cross-examining LFB. John says LFB hurt their case. Miss Bump is all, "How?" How? HOW? Heather insists that she "doesn't get off on touching other heterosexual women," ha ha, even though like millions of guys will sure get off because she said she did. John says that she has to appear not to be "aberrant" in any way to the jury in order to win. And that he wants to plea out. Heather says no, because she's "willing to accept the jury's verdict, but not [his]." The piano is sad. Heather exits. Miss Bump says she "may be short," but she thinks Heather likes John. Ooh, does that mean more touching? Spare me.