Ally McBeal
Turning Thirty

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
Turning Thirty

So, now Ally's got huge lips. Ha, ha, joke on Ally. Funny huge lips. Strangely, they don't look that different. The doctor tells her that clearly she's going to have some swelling right after surgery (duh!), and that her lips should go down in a few hours. She's all bitching about how she has to be in court in thirty minutes. Our Ally isn't the brightest star in the sky, is she? She asks to have them drained. He says no. A nurse comes in and freaks at her and walks out.

Back at the other Russ Meyer plot, the mortician is on the witness stand, saying that the cause of death was suffocation. Close up on booby swelling. John stares. Okay, if this is the outfit that Creepy Teeth hand-picked, why does it open only in a circle around her breasts? Why? They're even more out there than they were in the last outfit. Whatever. I can't toss in logic and reason into an Ally McBeal episode. While discussing the stages of suffocation death, Ally walks in covering her mouth. Creepy Teeth freaks out at the sight of them, and the entire courtroom is now watching Ally cover her mouth. Creepy Teeth asks for an adjournment, as "co-council has eaten some bad shellfish." The judge asks Ally to step forward. In a too-long Daddy Said So scene, Ally eventually shows her mouth to the judge. Everyone laughs at her. "What have you done to herself?" he asks her. She stammers and says "Thirty" instead of "Third" and "Face" instead of "Case." As she starts to leave, Creepy Teeth explains that it's her birthday. "Wah-wah-wah-waaaaaaah," says the oboe.

That new Microsoft commercial that says we haven't even seen what they are capable of doing yet sounds more like a threat than a pitch.

Richard asks John and Creepy Teeth how the case is going. Blah, blah, blah. Richard pulls a joke on Creepy Teeth by telling him that his name was pulled to sing at Ally's party. John covers his glee and agrees with Richard.

"You heard me, suck it out!" MALE FANTASY ALERT. Ally is back at the doctor's office and wants her old lips back. Can they do that? Apparently they can, because this is the last time we see her with huge lips. I had no idea it was that easy. The doctor sheds a tear.

Titties O'Puffymouth's daughter-in-law is on the stand, saying that basically she was a golddigger. Creepy Teeth basically calls the daughter-in-law a golddigger as well, and then starts cross-examining during the prosecution's examination. Man, this whole episode is so tedious. Ooh, another boobie shot.

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Ally McBeal




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