Ally McBeal
What I'll Never Do For Love Again

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Kiss This Show Goodbye: All Sweetness And No Sorrow

Nelle stomps into Ally's office, where Elaine sits with her chin on the couch. Is she dying or something? No. But she did have sex with the casting guy after being rejected from the show, and after sex, she was asked to leave. So now she feels like a loser. And she didn't even go all-out in the audition: she picked the "safe 'tits and ass' song." Nelle asks for the casting dude's name. Why? Oh, no reason.

Nelle shows up at the theater to talk to the casting guy. Is he going to call Elaine again? Because Nelle can vouch for her, both "professionally and personally." She knows the "great hopes" Elaine has for her career. Could he at least call her back to do another audition? Please? Oh pretty please? Oh, barf.

Liza works away at John's desk, to which she has added a pink kitty nodding-head doll. I have one of those, but it's a dinosaur. I ask it, "Are you a dinosaur?" and touch it, making it answer, "Yes. Yes, I am a dinosaur." Richard walks in, and asks Liza's she's working on the closing for Fish Sr.'s case. She is. And could Richard make sure Mrs. Fish is present, to show the jury their marriage is still working? He can. He leaves abruptly, and Liza looks after him with her huge eyes.

The office. Nelle and Elaine are hashing out what happened. Yes, Nelle went to the theater to talk to the casting guy. It wasn't charity or pity. In fact, Nelle doesn't care "one way or the other." So why did Nelle go? Because it matters to Elaine! Nelle admits that she's "jealous" of Elaine, because Elaine "has passion in her life," and Nelle has no passion in hers. Aww! God, I feel sorry for Nelle. I mean, I have a lot of passion. Right now, what comes to mind is my passionate hate for this show. It glows like the white-hot fire of a thousand suns. I have to put a pin-hole in an oatmeal box to look at it. It's just a big ol' passion. And just one of my many passions! Nelle tells Elaine to "go back to that theater and go for it!" Aww.

Closing arguments, finally. Richard's mom sits in the courtroom, nervously clutching her cashmere turtleneck. Opposing counsel asks the jury not once, but twice, to "do the moral thing." Liza steps up. She says we're here because her client is "desperately in love with his wife." And since he couldn't leave, or transfer his secretary elsewhere...well, she had to go. So, there he sits, "a very, very moral man." Ha ha ha.

Lights up on...a stage light. A piano tinkles softly. Elaine stands center stage, singing (very nicely) yet another song from A Chorus Line. The casting folks watch her, digging her stuff. Nelle walks down the aisle, smiling. The orchestra kicks in, and I get tinglies. Elaine rocks! She dances well, too. The stage is bathed in blue light, and she goes for it. When she's finished, everyone backstage applauds. The orchestra and casting folks join in. Nelle has tears on her cheeks. Aww!

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Ally McBeal

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