Ally McBeal

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: F | 1 USERS: F
Accept It: This Show Sucks

Glenn strides across the office floor angrily, purposefully. Gee, I never noticed the nice dark stain they have on the hardwood there. It's really sophisticated and subtle. Oh right, the show. Glenn barges into Ally's office, ignoring Elaine's protests that he isn't scheduled for this time slot, and yells. He doesn't care about the firm's financial situation, you just DON'T fire people or loan them out to the D.A.'s office: "It stinks and it's wrong!" Wow, I don't feel that strongly about it, actually. Jenny would still have a job and a salary -- it's just a little reshuffling. That I'm on Ally's side and not hating everything she does? Well, that's a little scary. And by little, I mean "tons." Anyway, Glenn says if Jenny goes, he goes. He will. He will! Ally says that's fine. It's his choice. Unless he says the wrong thing. Like, that Ally's "become a power-drunk bitch overnight." Like, that would be wrong. Ally hallucinates the sword slicing off Glenn's head. His head rolls around on the carpet, then says, "Reaaaallly nice." Um, is this the new catchphrase now? I hate it. That is all.

Woo, aerial shot! Woo! Dame Edna's boss. Mr. Polk (hee) is testifying as to Dame Edna's sexual harass-iness. She "gets people talking about their houses," then invites them to see her own Colonial home. Judge Albert Hall is all, that's why you fired her? Seriously. No, it's worse than that: Dame Edna asked one fellow in the office to "come have a hot dog under [her] canopy." Hee. Once I asked a guy I worked with how his "joint" was, and I meant his apartment. I know apartments aren't usually called "joints." I don't know what I was thinking. He was all, "WHAT? What are you TALKING about?" Dude, I was young. Mr. Polk has a security tape that "unwittingly" caught Dame Edna propositioning a co-worker. Dame Edna objects: "He's suggesting a camera has wit!" Arf arf arf. The tape rolls. Dame Edna calls a young man "lovely" and says he "fills out [his] trousers nicely." Hee! Apparently, the young men complain about this. Still. Hee! Richard steps up. Was Mr. Polk ever harassed? No. And did they once share some Scotch, kiss, and have a dinner out together? Um, yeah. Is Mr. Polk canning Dame Edna because she didn't return his sexual advances? Richard presents the photos of the dinner out. Mr. Polk is all kinds of smiley, hanging all over Dame Edna. Mmm-hmm.

Lunch time! Maddie is comforting Ally at home. "Good for you," Maddie says cheerfully. Ally is all, really? "He called you a bitch!" Ally goes to the refrigerator, and hallucinates Jenny's and Glenn's severed heads inside, pleading for their jobs back. Ally rudely asks Obi-Wan Bon Jovi for his opinion. He dons his robe, adjusts his light saber, and says she fired Jenny for the firm, but fired Glenn out of ego. She should hire him back. Because it is the right thing to do, Grasshopper. Gong!

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Ally McBeal




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