Ally McBeal

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: F | 1 USERS: F
Accept It: This Show Sucks

Ally returns to the office. She steps off the elevator to a sea of cold, hateful eyes. Everyone in the office hates her now. It's not just me and the audience anymore. Suddenly, a howling snowstorm whirls around her, and she forces her way through it to her office. The music, she is dramatic. She sits behind her desk and confers with Glenn. She understands how he may have gotten emotional about Jenny, and wants him to stay. He grimly says, "So I'm not fired." She says no. He gets up and stalks out without another word. Which is exactly how I'd react to learning I was not being fired from a piece-of-shit job that I hated. Though maybe Glenn doesn't hate the job, just DEK. Like me and this job! Elaine pops her head in, bringing the frozen wintry tundra that is the office in with her, and announces Nelle. Nelle strides in all, well! I guess I'm not fired, ha ha! Ally says Nelle is one of the most productive associates and was "never in the running" for being canned. Which is nice, I guess. But Ally does want Nelle to jump through some hoops, or rather, "make some changes." No other firms, apparently, "socialize" as much as they do at Cage, Fish and McBeal. So if Nelle wants to remain in good standing, she has to sing at the bar. Oh, that is wick wick WACK. It's as wack as the fake pilot they wrote on Seinfeld where the judge assigned Jerry a butler. Ally says, "We're a gang, Nelle, and it's time for you to join the party."

Vonda's singing "Please Mr. Postman." Please kill me now. Don't wait a minute, wait a minute. Pleeee-eease. Jenny and Glenn drink at the bar. She's still in shock, and doesn't want Glenn to leave the firm because of her. Um, didn't he do that before? At her last job? No, wait, he left, and she left, and they both got hired at Cage & Fish by some amazingly stupid coinkey-dink. Now, look! They're both going! You'd think that these two would have learned to roll with the punches a little better by now. Or, accept the fact they they're both losers. Ray pops up, is asked to pop off, and doesn't. Oh, that Ray! He's such an ass.

Ling and Nelle are sitting and stewing together. "The world's gone nice," Ling complains. Come to my world, Ling. I don't do nice. I don't even do cordial. I'm cordial-intolerant. Ling says, Nelle, singing? HA! Actually, Nelle might like to sing, secretly. She says, all out-of-character, "It just looks fun!" Has Nelle really never sung before? Oh, right, I don't care. Ling has a lip-synching plan; also, she'll share the limelight with Nelle, since Ling loves the limelight so. Now Nelle won't have to be onstage alone. Oh, yay.

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Ally McBeal




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