Amazon Redux

Episode Report Card
admin: C- | Grade It Now!
Mostly-Seen-Before Footage

A yodel takes us to Peachy's voice-over, inviting us to join him for a "special episode" of Survivor: The Amazon. Peachy promises a look back at the past twenty-seven days of "highlights and never-before-seen-footage," but those of us who have seen one of these clips shows before know what Peachy's promises are worth: false expectations leading to unbearable disappointment. Or something like that. Because there's a reason this stuff's never been seen before. A quick shot of the burlap sack monkey-faced immunity idol brings us to a brief preview of the aforementioned never-before-seen footage. (And shouldn't the plural of "footage" be "feetage"?) In any case, Rob shows Deena a calendar while HeiDDi explains that it's a "great calendar, you know, for both tribes." Rob voice-overs that he's been painting the calendar with HeiDDi, "the hottest girl he's ever talked to." He adds, "She has both natural and manmade beauty qualities." Well, that's one way of putting it. "Botched boob job" is another.

In another of these pre-clips-show clips, Butch boasts that he made Christy feel good about herself, followed by a shot of Christy teaching Davey Rockett sign language. Christy enthuses that it was great that the others really wanted to learn.

In the final pre-clips-show clip, a snake uncoils and snaps at the camera in night-vision, followed by Jeanne talking about jungle noises. HeiDDi hears an animal close to camp, and two eyes glow like cartoon characters in a dark room. Proving that we are not watching a cartoon, other sets of glowing eyes don't pop up one by one, and there's no convenient pull-chain light fixture right above their heads.

The pre-clips-show clips wrap up, and we see shots of the river. Drumbeats accompany a boating local and a shot of the fishing boat that brought the S16 to the Amazon. Damned fishing boat. They never sink when you want them too. Peachy voice-overs that twenty-seven days ago, sixteen Americans, including a fresh-faced Rob, were stranded in the Amazonian rainforest. Peachy tells us what we already know: they were immediately separated by sex into two tribes: Jaburu and Tambaqui, and Deena was overjoyed by the "all-chick thing." Not to mention the chance to pee in front of the other women. Meanwhile, a "pumped up" Daniel bragged that the female tribe could never beat the men at anything, either physical or mental. He concluded, "We're never gonna go to Tribal Council." Technically, Daniel hardly ever does go to Tribal Council over the course of the series, but not for the reasons he thinks here. Jenna thought the men were cocky, and she wanted to beat them with her really skinny little arms.

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