American High
Finale

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Erin: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Can I graduate?

Okay, it's the end. It's over. AND IT'S AN HOUR LONG.

I've never had to recap any show over a half hour. I'm not sure I can handle it. But, since I've been assigned to an hour-long show in the fall, I'd better get used to it. I just hope my new show doesn't reduce me to tears the way this bloody one did.

See. Um. The kids graduate in this episode. And, don't laugh, I wound up not only liking each and every one of these kids (except, of course, for CrAbby, who shall forever exist within my shit bank with a cardboard sign hanging around her neck saying, "I'm a king-sized ASS so please ignore me"), but pretty much also ADORING them. Yes, even Pueblo. I mean, for the most part, Pueblo still irritated me, but even he had a few endearing moments. And the parents. THE PARENTS. God. I think I teared up at least three or four times during this episode, and three of those four times were due to the damn parents!

Excuse me. I have to go call my mother. Right now.

The final show begins in the only way it can. With Morgan and his dad.

"'Dear Morgan,'" says Morgan, reading from a letter, "'It is my pleasure to inform you that you have been admitted to Columbia College for the Fall 2000 semester.'" Morgan turns to his dad. "I wanna know what your outlook on me getting into a college is." "My outlook on it?" says his dad. "WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE DAMN LETTER, DAD?" Morgan shouts. Dad goes on to say that he's really pleased about it, and so is Morgan's mom. He follows this up by pissing on Morgan's parade. "But you do remember that all the stuff that you don't want to read carefully says that this is dependent upon the receipt of your last semester's transcripts and the fact that you get a document that says you graduated." Morgan, who up until this point was existing within his own pretty perfect world, says, "You don't make this very easy." Dad says that it's not going to be easy and that this is a major life step for him. "The minute you go down to Columbia College, you go down to the city, it's not gonna be a Dean Warrens calling me up or a Mr. Harris calling up to piss in my ear. It's gonna be --" "It's gonna be the police," Morgan retorts in his fashion. "Yeah, it's gonna be the police," his father responds. "That's good." Hee.

After the credits, the montage sequence starts, using what I assume is the Senior Beach Bonfire as its backdrop. CrAbby's up first, saying that high school is "amazing." Shocker. CrAbby loves high school? CrAbby loves being a big fish in a little sea? CrAbby loves the fact that she's SOMEONE in high school? No surprises here, people. I can't WAIT until she gets to college and she's not the only moderately attractive dyed-blonde on the premises. Then Pueblo's in a bumper car, telling us that he's having a "blast" in his head right now because school's over. Back at the beach, Roadster's hanging out with Brad and then telling us that life is pretty good and graduating is "crazy". If by "crazy" you mean "actually leaving Saran-Wrap's clingy arms and getting on with your life." We catch a glimpse of Teddy the Tard at the bonfire, looking about as intelligent as a hermit crab. Then we see Allie sort of hanging around on the sand, and then she's telling us that she's here in the world and she's here to "come getcha." "And I'm just like," she says, in an interview on a grassy knoll somewhere, "KNOCKING ON THE FUCKING DOOR! LET ME IN!" She illustrates that she's "KNOCKING ON THE FUCKING DOOR" by raising her arm and knocking on the imaginary fucking door.

Anna's down at the bonfire as well, laughing and looking beautiful. "I cannot wait to get out!" she says in an interview. Then Brad and Shanna are in a photo booth, getting their pictures taken while they're kissing, and they're really cute. In an interview, Brad says that four years has been enough. Amen, sister. Seriously. Two years would have been enough of high school for me. Then Shanna's on-camera, saying that it's time for her to move on. "For graduation," says Morgan in an interview, "I know I've talked about this already --" Then he stops himself, shakes his head, makes a "boogedy-boogedy" sound and puts his hand on his face. Hee. I just love Morgan.

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American High

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