American High
Finale

Episode Report Card
Erin: A+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Can I graduate?

Kaytee appears on-camera for a quick self-interview and talks about how people think she's matured a lot through high school, but she doesn't think she has. "I just got a new hairdo," she states. "I'm still just a kid." Have I told you lately that I love her? No, not in THAT way. I just wanna go shoot pool with her or something. She's hella-cool.

Time for some of that down-home pomp and circumstance. The kids all walk down the aisles, and I notice that not only do these kids get to have their graduation at fucking RAVINIA, but they have far better gowns than we did. Dude. Ours were FLAMMABLE. Dammit. CrAbby's on screen for a self-interview. Shut up, CrAbby. "You're only a kid once," she says. Did I say shut up? I see that I did. Still. SHUT UP.

The ceremony begins with the chorus singing their rendition of "Bridge Over Troubled Water." We cut to Morgan, brooding in his room. He hears a noise upstairs and calls out for his dad. No answer. Duncan. No answer. Duncan, again. No answer. He gets up and goes into his parents' room and his mom is there, sort of just staring at the bed. She looks at him for a second and then walks out of the room. "I'm still graduating!" shouts Morgan, looking after her. Yeah, and you don't have to wear a stupid hat with a tassel and walk across a stage in order to do so, either.

"I feel like he robbed me," says his mother, down in the Kitchen of Despair. She goes on to say that this day wasn't just for him, but for them as well. Whatever. He's not in the damn ceremony. So what? Yeah, he did something irretrievably stupid and juvenile. No arguments there. Wanna know what the dumbest thing about his little prank is? HE GOT CAUGHT. If he didn't get caught, he'd still be going through the ceremony and everyone would be all happy. So what. Everyone's disappointed. We get it. Let's move on.

Back at the ceremony, Suzy's singing her solo. She's got some work to do on that voice. You know what I hate most about opera singers? They seem incapable of just SINGING. Like, she's singing a portion of a Simon & Garfunkel song -- it's not freakin' WAGNER over here. Just sing like a normal person, Suze! And it's Ravinia, not the Met. Bring it down a notch.

But then Suzy's being all sweet and earnest in a self-interview where she's all psyched for the future and she hopes she's going to wind up being a cool person and have a cool life and she's gonna go out there and kick ass. Awwww...

Anna goes up to read off the names of the graduates. She tells us in a self-interview that she's so excited to finally be finishing high school. Everyone's excited to be leaving high school. Get it? Got it? Good.

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American High

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