American High

Episode Report Card
Erin: A+ | Grade It Now!
Can I graduate?

Back at Misery Mansion, Morgan's mom waxes philosophical with an allegory that equates kids and their failures with "creatures" and "falling." No, I don't know what she's talking about. Let's just assume that she's disappointed in Morgan. Like he cares. He's upstairs lighting candles and contemplating his navel.

Graduation Gulch. The kids did it. They're all done. They're all hugging each other. Allie and her mother hug. Allie and her father hug. Kaytee and Scooter hug. Morgan and his mother hug. No, they're not at graduation. We've just cut to them hugging in Morgan's room. Moms is begging Morgan to come to dinner with them. One minute she's Angst-Ridden Annie down in the kitchen, and the next she's pleading with her son to join them? Yet another editing coup from the makers of American High. Morgan rants on and on about how he's not going out to dinner with them because of this, that, and the other thing, and that he did something stupid and he got caught and blah-dee-blah-dee-blah. "This isn't about that," says Moms, wondering if she should poke her son with a knitting needle and then remembering that she doesn't knit and wondering if a dull knife will do. "This is about dinner."

Allie shows off her diploma. "I'm closing the chapter to high school," she says, closing the diploma. "And then I walk away, and then there's my new beginning." That statement would have had a lot more power if she hadn't WALKED RIGHT INTO A POLE. BWA HA HA! BWAAAAA HA HA! Hee. Hee.

Pablo walks away from the ceremony toward his car. "Single most important and single least important moment of my life," he says. Oh, whatever. Sometimes he's just too much for me to take. And he was all about graduating with "dignity and honor" before when he wanted to shove a laurel wreath on his head. How dignified is it, I ask you, to wear BIG BAGGY-ASSED CARPENTER JEANS to your graduation? Denim soooo doesn't say "honor" to me. It says "lazy-ass moron without a single pair of khakis in his closet."

Over at Anna's place, friends and family gather around the kitchen table while The Man Who Says Little thanks the dear Lord that Anna graduated. TMWSL says in an interview that he doesn't want Anna to go off to college and harbor bad feelings toward him. Too late, dude. Freakmama tells TMWSL that it's easier for him to tell Anna his feelings by writing her a song. The hell? Oh, God. This is gonna be SO bad. Everyone's gathered in the living room and TMWSL switches on the stereo, saying, "Here's a song I wrote for you, Anna."

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American High




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