American High

Episode Report Card
Erin: A+ | Grade It Now!
Can I graduate?

Morgan's Mansion. Morgan and his buddy Gus are going through the yearbook and picking out betties they had crushes on during high school. "It just seems that, like, whenever something approaches," says Morgan in an interview, "trouble, like, occurs." Morgan would rather go through life living life and suffering the consequences, than just going through life being bored and living someone else's life. He wants everyone to know who he is. Morgan Moss: Intrepid High-School Diarist. Morgan's bud gets off Morgan's bed, because this going-through-the-yearbook thing is depressing him because he still wants to be a kid. Morgan says that he should just be a kid. "I'm never not a kid," says Morgan, employing a useful double negative.

Down in the Morgan Mansion kitchen, Morgan's pop is sitting at the kitchen table, talking about how he thinks this "graduation" thing is really going to happen. Provided that Morgan actually shows up for the rehearsal and the actual graduation ceremony and picks up his diploma. His mother pipes up and says that Morgan did a phenomenal job, and that "if you throw down the gauntlet to a kid like that he'll jump higher than you can expect him to." Back in Morgan's room, Morgan places one of his hamsters in his mouth. Why? I have no idea. Perhaps to test the Richard Gere theory that if you swallow a hamster, it might very well wind up in your ass. At least Morgan's not shoving the aforementioned hamster directly up his ass. Thank heaven for small favors.

Hallowed Halls of Highland Park High School. The Sunshine Lady informs us that the seniors have one more day of high school. God. Why are they even there? I'd be at the local Burger King ingesting deep-fried goodness if I were them.

Allie sticks her studded tongue out at the camera, and we're on to her personal segment. She says that high school has been a huge passage for her. Then, before we know it, we're on to Shanna's personal segment. She tells us that these past few weeks, it's all coming to an end. Then we're on to Tiffany's personal segment. Or, should I say, Tiffany's "let's wrap this up and re-introduce everyone to various characters of the show because they're graduating" segment. Look, I realize they've got a hell of a lot of kids to get through here but, you know, they've got AN HOUR. Try not to condense these kids into a beauty shot and a single sentence, you know? Tiffany says she's made a lot of mistakes and that she doesn't regret any of them.

Then we're back to Pablo, who's telling the camera that he doesn't even know why he came to class that day; that he probably just did it for sentimental value. And now to CrAbby, who is very excited and says that high school is now history and she's now going to college. On to Anna, who tells us that today is the last day of school but it hasn't really hit her yet.

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American High




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