American High
Homeward Bound

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Home is where the heart attack is

You know, I'm sitting here on a rainy Saturday afternoon with a bowl of coffee and a freshly lit American Spirit, and my brain is still fried from last night's PS2 extravaganza over at Wedge's. I mean, five hours of "Onimusha" and "Zone of Enders" and "SSX" and then a new game called "Cookies and Cream"...I can't see straight. I still have my glasses on and I've only been awake for two hours. I think I left my lungs on Wedge's classic garage-sale sofa along with my left retina.

I tell you all this not so you'll think to yourselves, "Wow, that Regina's a bigger geek than we ever imagined," but to clue you in on one simple thing: this recap may be a little weirder than usual. That's all. There may be frequent flights of fancy and intermittent sidebars that have absolutely nothing to do with the recap itself. I cannot stop this. I've been deeply saturated in several make-believe 3-D worlds for the past five days and I'm not sure I've returned to the planet we know as Earth quite yet. Be patient. And get me some more coffee.

The kitchen of Casa de Morgan. Pops "I'm Not Evil, I'm Just Drawn That Way" Morgan is casually chatting about his mother and her visit to the gynecologist. "That's fuckin' disgusting," spits Mouth. "Grandma visits a gynecologist? Why would you even mention that? Especially at the dinner table?" Pops tries to reasonably explain to Morgan that you don't stop seeing doctors when you get older; in fact, you have to see them even more frequently. But, see, this isn't why Morgan's aghast/disgusted/disturbed. See, he's of the mind that there hasn't been much action in Grandma's, er, "area", so what's the point of going to see an, ahem, "area" doctor? Pops says that women go to see gynecologists whether there's action or not.

And that's when Morgan's mother completely loses her mind and giggles fanatically like Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. Morgan takes this opportunity to phone 911 and have his all-too-frightening mother committed to the local psychiatric hospital.

I wish.

And on to the montage/theme/students-I-don't-know section. As the title of this episode would suggest, the central vein of this week's ep is "Home Is Where The Heart Is; Or, At Least, It's Where You Have a Bed And A Toothbrush And Cable TV."

Allie tells us that home is what you want it to be. Home is where you want it to be. Home is where your dog is. Home is where your duvet is. Home is where -- shit, what's my address? Damn. I have no idea where home is. Better get a map...

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American High

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