American High
Homeward Bound

Episode Report Card
Erin: A+ | Grade It Now!
Home is where the heart attack is

In an interview, Kaytee postulates that your environment shapes what you think. If that's the case, Kaytee most likely thinks that the shorter she cuts her hair, the less chance she'll have of becoming a parrot-chattering freaknut with upper-arm cellulite. Cut away, Kaytee, if you think that'll help.

Then we're at a basketball game, which really looks like a practice because there's absolutely no one in the stands. Whose game is this? Who are they watching? Does Kaytee have a brother? Both her parents are there. Why? WHY? And Kaytee has a father? I thought she was just a manifestation of all those acid trips her mother took in the late sixties. And Kaytee's hair is long again. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? SOMEBODY HELP ME.

Dude. DUDE. Get the pod. Get it! Press circle. Press circle! You're never going to power up the sword without the pod. Jesus! What are you doing?! Oh, man. Gimme the controls. Lemme show you how it's really done.


Kaytee tells us that her family has pretty much collapsed. It's easy to see this because her parents are sitting so far apart that they may as well be on different continents. Then the game (or whatever) is over, and Kaytee's dad (whom we will now refer to as "Nick Nolte," or "Nolte" for short, because he looks just like that character that Nolte played in Down And Out In Beverly Hills, which isn't really a good thing because, you know, that character was a filthy bum) just walks off without her or her mother or her imaginary basketball-playing sibling.

In Kaytee's car, she's telling us that her parents are always talking about getting a divorce and she's all, like, whatever. She's lost patience with all the "we're getting a divorce, we're not getting a divorce, we're getting a divorce" conversations that seem to occur on a monthly basis at her house. "In some ways," she says, "it's just like, 'Do it already!' I mean, god!" Amen, sister. Any parents that "stay together for the kids" or some such shit should really just suck it up and call the lawyers. Divorce, no matter how sad, is way better than sticking it out interminably in a bad marriage.

The Morgan Mobile. Morgan's fighting for his right to have his mangy friends over for a jam session. Pops is not having it. His little bro has a constitution test on Thursday, and he needs the time to study. "I want to have a great relationship with my parents," says Morgan in a VO, "like I used to; like with my dad and stuff. But it's like, so many times he gets on my nerves. Like, he doesn't understand." Pops thinks that Morgan can have his jam session at a friend's place. Morgan argues that they did that a while ago, but since Pops stopped letting Morgan take his drum set out of the house, it doesn't seem feasible to have the jam session anywhere else. Pops declares the drum ban lifted, and Morgan reminds himself to send his psycho mother a bundle of flowers at the booby-hatch right after he's kicked out the jams with Bobo and Chit, his compatriots of cacophony.

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American High




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