American High
Pressure High

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Erin: D | Grade It Now!
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Pressure High

Allie's driving along in her car singing all the words to this Steve Miller Band song that I can't remember the name of. The fact that Allie knows all the words only reinforces my initial stuck-in-the-sixties opinion of her. In a voice-over, Allie says that her father has a new baby. Oh, wait. A new baby with his girlfriend. The girlfriend that he's basically been knockin' da boots with for quite a long time. Allie's father is a dick. But Allie goes on to say that she really likes her dad's girlfriend, even though she knows she probably shouldn't. The baby projectile vomits onto Allie right after Allie has just delivered a speech on the fact that she couldn't have kids because she couldn't deal with the barfing, and Allie leaves, running into her fuck of a father on the way. She stops and her father says, "I should have known. It's my irresponsible, loving daughter." Hang on, I just have to call the Cosa Nostra and have someone shot...

Allie and her dad are sitting in the kitchen discussing Allie and how she's driving her mother crazy. Double Dick. "Be a little more sensitive to her needs," he says. "I'm seventeen years old, Dad," says Allie. "And I have to deal with all this crap." Her dad just smiles at her as if to say, "Yeah. Thank God you're dealing with it and not me. Boy, I am one lucky bastard." He then tells her, "I told you I was going to buy you some shoes. Doesn't that solve all your problems?" Ring ring. "Hello, Vinny? About that hit man we talked about..."

Returning from commercial, the kids are freaking out about college, and then we're onto Kiwi and his bad haircut. He's blabbing about football and how it's going to be the one thing that's going to get him into college. Apparently, there are going to be some big football scouts at the upcoming game, and Kiwi's allllll about kicking the winning goal. Try picking up a book sometime, Kiwi.

Allie's mom reveals that Allie's been talking about not going to college right away and maybe taking a year off. Wait, didn't she sort of already do that in high school? Another year ain't gonna help ya, kiddo. Anyway, Allie's mom has been called in to talk to a couple of really unattractive women about Allie's attendance issues. Allie shows up and has to talk about how she's doing in school and how she plans on being a June graduate. The general feeling I get from Allie's mom is "Don't hold your breath."

Allie and her mom then walk down the hall, and Allie's trying to argue her idea about the whole year off thing. Her most compelling point is, "I'm sorry. There are people who are thirty and forty years old going to college." Yes, Allie. They're called high-school dropouts. Oh, wait. I took a year off before going to college. Shit. Better check my attitude at the door on this one.

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American High

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