Hallowed Halls of Hell. Girls and guys are hugging. I'm assuming this means that guys have asked girls to Prom. Awww. Like I care.

At a table in the cafeteria, Kiwi stands up. His voice-over says, "Someone just said, Shanna hasn't been asked to Prom. I'm like, 'Shanna!' I just think she's a really nice person. She's gorgeous and she's fun -- you know, I like her. You know, she's just the girl you wanna talk to and go up to and just say, 'Hi!'" Next thing we know, Kiwi's walking down the Hallowed Halls with a bouquet of flowers and Shanna's just sitting in class, doodling on her notebook and not paying attention to the teacher. Kiwi's being carried along the arms of his soldiers (not literally -- work with me!) as he makes his way to Shanna's classroom. Shanna's oblivious. Kiwi takes a moment outside the room and breathes deeply. His friends are beside themselves. They're hitting each other and making personal notes in their imaginary notebooks for romantic moments they'd like to perform in the future. Kiwi knocks on the classroom door. Shanna looks up, but doesn't even look toward the door -- even though there's a goddamn camera in her face thereby announcing to her that SOMETHING IMPORTANT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. Although, in her defense, maybe she was used to the camera in the face, and didn't realize that KIWI WAS COMING IN THE DOOR WITH FLOWERS. He saunters in and hunkers down on bended knee with flowers presented and says, "Will you go to Prom with me?" Shanna blushes, hugs Kiwi, and then tells him to go ask Anna out for Prom, because she happens to be busy on prom night due to an emergency phone call from John Taylor of Duran Duran and is regretfully unable to attend the festivities. "John just needs me there," she says, flicking her hair. "I can't let him down." Yeah. That was my fantasy. Read it and weep. It got me through several lonely nights so don't turn your nose up at it! By the way, John and I are having drinks next Tuesday. Apparently, his breakup with Amanda de Cadenet has really hurt him. Aw. My poor, misunderstood, eighties pop-star bassist.