Heh. Heh heh. No, I'm not laughing at Morgan's pain. I'm laughing at The Sunshine Lady, who is once again making an appearance. Heh. In the last recap, I made some rather, er, disparaging remarks about The Sunshine Lady. I got called on the carpet for it (in a really nice way) by ViVA86, a current student at HPHS and one of the posters. I had just never come across anything quite like a middle-aged high-school administrator referring to herself as "The Sunshine Lady," and it baffled me. But now I'm used to it. And now she's hilarious. After the non-commercial, The Sunshine Lady speaks: "Good morning, Highland Park. This must be the voice of the District 113 Sunshine Lady [Is there a District 115 Sunshine Lady? Or a District 229? Is this a trend of which I am not aware? Heh] with our first announcements in May. And of course, we all remember this weekend is Prom, and pastel dresses continue to reign. However, there's a new design out for this year and it's that one-shoulder, spaghetti-strap design [ew]. They do look kind of cute, but let me suggest that if Mother Nature really amply endowed you [HEE], the structural flaws of spaghetti straps suggest you may want to select another style." Oh. My. God. If my lungs weren't already contaminated with twenty years of cigarette smoking, they'd be collapsing due to the laughter I am currently bombarding them with. Hee. And hee. I think I lurve this woman. As ViVA86 said in an email to me, "[The Sunshine Lady] once remarked about pantyhose and that too many times she sees sausage legs -- two sausages in a one-sausage package." HA! Since the Sunshine Lady recently retired, maybe I can look into nabbing that job when my current day job goes under. I need options, people!
Sorry. Back at the school...Kiwi's sitting at a table full of girls and telling us in a voice-over that every guy goes through a stage where he freaks out and thinks he needs a girlfriend. "I like 'em a lot," says Kiwi. "I like their species." Dude. We're not a species. We're your species. You know, human? But I get where you're coming from. We might as well be a different species. We're very weird, us girls. Why do you think I prefer the company of men? Girls are bizarre. The only friends I have that are girls are girls who are more like guys than girls. Does that make sense? They fart, belch, drink beer, curse...all I'm saying is, most girls are too difficult to understand. So I get it when Kiwi says, "But, I'm not too good with them. I'm, like, shy. And I'm, like, a pussy when it comes to girls." Welcome to the world, Kiwi. Everyone's a pussy when it comes to girls. Even girls.