Kiwi's Kool Krib o' Kuddling. Kiwi's on the phone with a girlfriend of his. No, not that kind of girlfriend -- the kind you call when you have questions about other girls. Kiwi tells the friend that she's had so much more experienced than he is, and that this intimidates guys. She argues that the first, like, even, kissing experience she had was second semester of freshman year. "Yeah, see? Guess when mine was?" Kiwi retorts. "When?" his non-sexual girlfriend asks. "Four months ago," divulges Kiwi. "Really? Ohhhh," gushes his non-sexual girlfriend. "Yeah, 'Ohhh,'" says Kiwi, fully knowing his power as a full-fledged high school male virgin. It gets the girls, no doubt about that. We like a clean slate. "Are you quote-unquote attracted to anybody?" asks the non-sexual girlfriend, obviously baiting him into announcing his attraction to her. "There's a lot of girls -- you girls -- that I'm attracted to," says Kiwi, managing to include the non-sexual girlfriend in that dash-dash "you girls" inclusion. Way to make a save, Kiwi. Too bad you couldn't make a save like that on the field! Oh. That was bad, wasn't it? Yeah. It was. I'd take it back but, you know, it's still funny.
Okay, and then there's this scene between the non-sexual-girlfriend and Kiwi, lying around on the grass, talking about Prom and relationships, interspersed with Kiwi interviewing himself in practical darkness about Prom and relationships and, you know, if I cared, I'd repeat the entire thing here but, I'm already at, like, fifty pages and I'd like to get this recap done before the damn season is over.
Anna's Bedroom of Non-Boyfriend Activity. Anna's going through her closet, dressed in blue jeans and a tank top, her hair piled on top of her head, her compatriot sitting cross-legged on her bed. They're talking about Prom. Shocker. Anna pulls on a gray tank top as the camera manages to catch her tummy and then her hips ensconced in black bikini underpants. Okay, did the ratings just peak? The hell? Too bad this ain't on some channel other than PBS. Millions of teenage boys might have just excused themselves to go to the bathroom. As it is, it's just a smattering of over-thirty men, excusing themselves from their living rooms and wives, saying that they have to go "check on something" in the basement. As Anna puts on overalls and makeup, in that order, she tells us that she's not really enjoying high school, and that no one knows about her and who she's been with, and that people have thought that she's stupid and a slut. What? I'm so confused. Isn't she, like, a brain or something? I have to go check out the PBS website in order to determine whether Anna's a slag with a deserved reputation or just, you know, shy. "I want the guy to approach me. I want to be pursued, you know?" she says loudly into her mirror as she eats something resembling Sour Patch Kids. Her eyes suddenly start darting toward the door. "I hope my dad isn't home. I really hope he's not home." Anna runs off to check and see whether her father's home. As we see her father getting into his car, Anna says in a voice-over, "My dad comes from a strict Latino family. Very conservative. Girls are supposed to be submissive to the fathers and to the men." Okay. That shit ain't right. It just ain't right. What, is this a Muslim state? Do women wear sheets on their heads? No? That's what I thought. "Submissive" my ASS. "I know what guys are after, you know? I have to protect her from guys who want to take advantage of her. I don't want anybody taking advantage of her. That's why I have to make sure guys keep their paws off my daughter, you know? I don't like that."