But enough about me.

Later, Scooter is stroking Kaytee. No, not like THAT. They're filming themselves lounging around, and Scooter's using the famous "what would you do if a guy did this to you?" maneuver that basically allows him to touch Kaytee where-the-hell-ever under the guise of taking some sort of general sexual poll. Kaytee's not liking what he's doing, but that doesn't matter to Scooter, who must have had to park a three-ton notebook on his crotch to prevent it from tenting out in a major way. Kaytee's more concerned with the way her nose looks onscreen and -- AH! AH HA HA HA!! Scooter's right hand is a-wanderin' down toward Kaytee's ass...oh, he doesn't love her. No. Not at all. Right.

After Kaytee disentangles herself from Scooter's sweaty grasp, she tells the camera that Scooter once told her that people don't really date until college. "I don't know where he got that statistic," she whines, "but, I don't think that's right." And she looks off to the corner as if she'll find a positive reason over there for lusting after Teddy the Tard. Scooter, sitting in the passenger's seat of Teddy's car, is grilling the Tard about Kaytee, claiming that he's playing hard to get. Tard vehemently denies it with the careful use of the word "nuh-uh". That's two syllables, but it isn't really a word, so it doesn't earn him points on the "I'm not mentally deficient" scale. In the parking lot, at night, Kaytee's running after Tard, talking about "turning him on." I don't know what she's doing or why she's saying that but I'm getting pretty sick of Kaytee and the Tard, lemme tell you.

In an interview, a very sad-looking Kaytee says that one day she just realized that she, like, really, really loved Teddy a lot. Her face brightens up as she says this, and my heart breaks just a little bit more at the remembrance of my bad high-school crushes. Then we see Kaytee kind of all over a non-responsive Tard, and then she's in her car, driving at night, telling us that her friend David had a good point. "Every time I'm like, 'Teddy, let's do something! It'll be great!' he's like, 'Maybe.' And David's like, 'You know he's just waiting for a better offer.' And that makes me mad! Like, really mad! Like, what, am I not good enough for you?" Oh, man. Man. I could go on about how this parallels my current relationship, but I won't, because this damn thing is already eight bloody pages long and I really shouldn't use it as my surrogate psychotherapy.