Anyway, the recruiter asks, "Mushrooms, of any sort?" and Pueblo stupidly answers, "Probably nothing legal." The hell? He's thinking he's going to get into the Marines with answers like THESE? Dude! If you really want to get into the Marines, YOU LIE! God! Just how much do I have to teach these kids?! "Okay, opium?" asks the Marine recruiter, hoping that he gets a sandwich and a cup of coffee after this train-wreck of a kid. "Psshaw," says Pueblo. "Not in this country." Way to go, Pueblo! Way to ruin ANY chance of getting into the Marines! You know, that whole "joking" and "sarcastically socially aware" thing you THINK you have going for you? Well, it SO doesn't work with the Marines. The Marines have no sense of humor, you TOOL. Keep that in mind the next time you try to apply for a position with one of the most humorless and powerful branches of our armed forces, okay?

After the recruiter runs down a list of drugs that Pueblo has so obviously tried in his past, Pueblo cruises down the street in his car, bitching about how naive he was. I'd like to put down in print Pueblo's every word but, really, I don't want to. HOW FUCKING STUPID WAS HE? Yeah, the Marines are all over people who've done drugs in the past. God! Pueblo just goes on and on about how he couldn't believe he could have thought he'd be able to join the Marines with a potential DRUG history! SHUT UP, PUEBLO! Just. Shut. Up.

"What the hell do I do now?" he says. Ram your car directly into the side of the nearest Dairy Queen? That'd be my suggestion.

Reason #4 Why Pablo Is A Fucking Tool: Because it never occurred to him that his prior drug history might possibly enter into his qualification interview for the Marines. Dude. You do drugs. That's fine. I have no problem with that. Really. Do what you want. I, myself, am a HUGE proponent of alcohol. But don't think you can get a job (and the Marines ARE a job, no matter what anyone thinks) by being HONEST when they ask you questions about DRUGS. Lie. LIE. If you really WANTED the job, you would have LIED. Do I think Pueblo has more integrity because he DIDN'T lie? No. Do I think Pueblo didn't really want to join the Marines? Yes.