"I feel no support!" she howls. "You just said, 'I was there to support you the whole time'. Well, the whole time, Mom! It's not even over! School's not over! My life is not over! So I hope that you're STILL there to support me! Not was! STILL!" The doorbell rings. "Listen, Mom, Brett's over. I'm not gonna sit here and have this conversation any longer. All right? We can talk about this later. I'M NOT GONNA HANG UP ON YOU BUT IF YOU DON'T LET ME GET OFF THE PHONE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HANG UP THE PHONE TO ANSWER THE DOOR?! ALL OF A SUDDEN I THINK YOU'RE UNIMPORTANT BECAUSE I HAVE TO ANSWER A DOOR? THAT'S MESSED UP!" She slams the phone down.

Ring ring.

Allie: WHAAAAT? WHAT IS IT NOW?
Regina: Dude. Chill. You take that tone with me one more time and I'll come right on over there and set your tie-dye collection on FIRE. You got me?
Allie: Sorry. [sniff] Sorry, Reg.
Regina: Okay. That's better. Breathe.
Allie: [deep breath] Okay.
Regina: Good. Now. I'm going to say something and you're going to listen and if you go all Cell Block H on my ass I will, and make no mistake, take a blowtorch to your chick-music collection. Okay?
Allie: Okaaaay.
Regina:She is your mother, Allie.
Allie: I know but --
Regina: Tie-dye, Allie. TIE-DYE.
Allie: Sorry.
Regina: She is your mother and she loves you. You are a global fuck-up. You dicked away your high school career because you felt like it. Now you're paying for it. Your mother is going through a MAJOR divorce with a man who knocked someone else up and who thinks that new shoes will make up for his inherent ickiness. You need to take a step back and realize something.
Allie: What?
Regina: You fucked up. Plain and simple. Now, here's what I want you to do. I want you to pick up that phone, call your suffering mother, and apologize to her for screaming at her like an Albanian fishwife.
Allie: No! No way! She fucking --
Regina: Chick music, dude. CHICK MUSIC.
Allie: [sigh] Okay...
Regina: There's not much you can do about your grades now, you know? Unless there's a nuclear war and your entire academic record is wiped out, you're going to have to suck it up and deal. Get yourself some extra credit work. Kiss some high-grade teacher ass. Look into community college and plan on working your screeching ass off for a year or so. Start taking responsibility for your actions. Be your future. Make...make it. Be the ball, Danny.
Allie:What?
Regina: Don't tell me you've never seen Caddyshack.
Allie: Nuh-uh.
Regina: Jesus. What are they TEACHING kids today? Rent it, Allie. All of the answers to life's problems can be found within that movie. Trust me.
Allie: But my mom -- she's being such a bitch --
Regina:That's it. I'm coming over there. Hide the tie-dye, you little fuck-up, or it's going down.
Click.