American High

Episode Report Card
Erin: A | 1154 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Winter Formalities

What. A crock. Of shit. Little pisher. I mean, really. What a little tool. Talk about your world-class wankers. I wish he would die. RIGHT NOW. Oh, I'm all good enough to hang out with, I'm just a wonder to behold, you can tell me anything, I'm such your best friend, you value me above all else, but, you know, YOU DON'T WANT TO KISS ME OR ANYTHING. Spineless dickwad.

But I'm not bitter.

"'I love you like a sister'," quotes Tiffany. "Don't tell me that, okay? Like, you weren't lovin' me like a sister two weeks ago!" Heh. Then Tiffany's friend is filming her as she goes off on Drew and says that they were "friends 'with benefits.'" Oh, man. I know whereof she speaks. Hello, Hank4, anyone? Dude. Hank4. Over here. Read up, man. Because your "benefits" are no longer available. Grab some Astroglide and a Penthouse and call it a night, because you will get no "Regina Love" anytime soon. Try me.

As Tiffany tells it, she and Drew were knockin' da boots, and it was "special" or something, and I get the feeling that they weren't knockin' ANYTHING and that they maybe might have kissed or hugged or something but it meant a hell of a lot more to Tiffany than it did to Drew (or "Sewer," as I will now refer to him). Welcome to my world, Tiffany. It's kind of chilly over here, isn't it?

Over at Casa de Mouth, he's talking about his acne and his relationship with Salima, and then Salima's telling us that she got into trouble for calling Mouth. Down in Mouth's basement, his VO says, "I mean, I think a lot of parents mean good but, I think a lot of parents need to back off." Word.

Then Suzy's telling us that she thinks she did all right at the auditions, but she's really worried and she just wants to know whether or not she made it. Two seconds later, she gets her chance. A woman I'm assuming is the chorus instructor gathers the students together and informs them in a kind of "okay, so no one made it but you know, you so DID" fashion that makes Suzy initially think she's going to wind up a Tastee-Freez server at Dairy Queen for the rest of her life. Before the disappointment of her potential future can settle on her shoulders, however, the instructor tells them that Suzy and her compatriots made the HONORS chorus. Not just the All-State. THE HONORS. WOOOOO!! Suzy practically passes out from joy.

American High

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