American High
Winter Formalities

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Erin: A | Grade It Now!
Winter Formalities

Suzy then tells us that she once really liked this guy but he didn't like her back and it pissed her off. So, instead of stalking him like I would (seriously -- I would), she sanely made a list of her priorities. I'm guessing that boys don't make an appearance on this list. Suzy's desperately serious about becoming an opera singer. She doesn't want boys to distract her from her singing. Right. Whatever gets you through the night, darlin'.

Meanwhile, Mouth and Salima are bitching at each other again. Salima's grades are in trouble, and her parents were considering not letting her go to the winter formal as punishment. Yeah, cuz not letting your kids go to dances is so much like being put in prison for assault and battery. Like, it really holds a ton of weight and resonates for years afterward. Totally.

It would seem that the Parents Mouth and the Parents Salima think that their lovebird children fight too much, and that their relationship isn't very productive and/or healthy. To illustrate this, Papa Mouth starts stalking around the house, shouting at Mouth that this is NOT the time for Salima to be over and that he wants her to go home. Morgan continuously tells his dad to shut up. I continuously tell his dad to shut up. All over the great land of America, viewers continuously tell Mouth's dad to shut up.

Elsewhere in the land of lurve, Tiffany's hanging out with Drew while she tells us about the "emotional connection" that the two of them have. Whatever, dude. You're in high school. HIGH SCHOOL. The only thing with which you might have an emotional connection is your damn Playstation. But then she and Drew are all hugging in the parking lot, so, you know, maybe they actually do have a sort of connection. MAYBE.

Some other day, Tiffany's shopping for a dance dress with a girlfriend. She tries on a couple of really cute ones and her friend's right -- she does have a kickin' bod. Tiffany's VO tells us that her parents basically taught her not to trust anyone and not to invest too much in anyone because they'll just leave her in the dust. I'm assuming that this means Tiffany's parents are divorced, and that it was a bad one, and that she witnessed it, because what kind of parent would knowingly teach their child something like this? That is fucked up, dude. Seriously.

Then Suzy's interviewing herself freaking out about the upcoming dances. "Who am I gonna go to winter formal with? Who am I gonna go to prom with? Aaaaaah," she shouts, putting her hands to her head. I feel you, girl. I wasn't asked to a single dance during high school. NOT ONE. Okay, there were a couple of times I was asked, but the guys that did the asking were pretty damn ooky and I decided it'd be better to stay home alone and watch reruns of Laverne & Shirley with a bag of Lay's rather than endure two hours with a guy named "Maynard." No, I'm not kidding. But I didn't get asked to prom. I think it's because the guys were all afraid of me. No, I'm not an Amazon, and I wasn't one then. I just thought I was beyond high school guys. Which, in all honesty, I probably was. But. That's not the point. The point is, I FEEL YOU, SUZY GIRL.

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American High




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