American Horror Story
Burn, Witch. Burn!

Episode Report Card
Mindy Monez: A | 87 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
The New Orleans Chainsaw Massacre

In the car, Luke tells Nan he thinks he's bleeding out, and she decides to try to drag him to the house. This gets the zombies back on their tail, leaving Zoe's shed free and clear. Obviously, Nan can't carry a whole hunk on her own, so they just kind of collapse in front of the porch, zombie dinner on a platter, when Zoe shows up to save them with a fucking chainsaw and goes totally Evil Dead on all of them! No matter where you end up on the zombies-are-awesome/zombies-suck spectrum, Zoe hacking them to bits with a chainsaw in this episode is pretty undeniably spectacular.

She gets through all of them (literally) except one final one, which is of course when the chainsaw stalls. She can't start it up again, and falls to the ground, terrified and ready to be eaten, when suddenly she reaches her hand out and says some kind of spell, seemingly subconsciously. The zombie falls to the ground dead, and Marie falls out of her levitation trance, completely confused. "I don't know what that was, but they've got some real power in that witch house now." Well for god's sake don't tell Fiona that. She'll have Zoe's head within the hour.

Cordelia's hospital room. Her husband arrives and Fiona throws him some "about time!" shade, and they exchange some fighting words. Things get rather soapy fast. He calls her a drunk, she calls him a loser, he calls her out for abandoning her daughter, she thanks god he was unable to knock up her daughter. It's all very melodramatic. A nurse comes in to tell them one of them has to leave the room because of all the shouting (yeah, fix your flickering hospital lights and I'll listen, lady!), though I don't know who they're disturbing considering the only other people there are a passed out Dracula and a series of pharma-induced hallucinations, but OK. Fiona gives him 15 minutes alone with Cordelia. He sits by her side and tells her he loves her so much, but when he touches her hand, she sees sits straight up and sees flashes of him having violent sex with Kaylie. Doesn't see him kill her, though! Some second sight power that is. Way to bury the lede, new power.

Back at the house, Fiona is supervising as the girls burn the zombie bodies. The fire smells pretty bad (Nan: "This! Is nasty!") but they're enduring. Nan exposits that Luke is still alive and asleep in her bed, which Zoe sees as a pretty big problem. Fiona, on the other hand, wants to keep him there until he's well so his "holy roller mother" doesn't call the cops. And she's not going to call the cops when her son is missing for days? Nan is giddy that Fiona is letting her keep her pet, and runs off to cover him in kisses. Then, Fiona switches up and praises Zoe: "I like a witch who knows how to fight. You've done this coven a great service." Zoe looks like she's won the compliment lottery and skips off back to the house too.

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American Horror Story

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