American Horror Story
Burn, Witch. Burn!

Episode Report Card
Mindy Monez: A | 87 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
The New Orleans Chainsaw Massacre

LaLaurie joins Fiona at the pyre, lamenting the death of her daughters. She tries to bond with Fiona about how when your babies are born, you're filled with hopes and dreams for them, but then you turn out to be a shitty mother and it doesn't quite work out. Fiona: "I know the feeling." HA! LaLaurie offers that maybe their tragedies can bring them closer together, and Fiona is like ew, no way, you're the maid. LaLaurie's face when she says that is incredible. It's the perfect mix of mean girl rejection pain and fuck off.

They are interrupted by the Council, which has returned to charge Fiona with a whole bunch of neglect and malfeasance crimes for allowing a zombie attack (plus Madison's disappearance and Cordelia's acid face) to happen on her watch. I don't know what kind of managerial style can prevent a zombie attack, but that's why I'm not in a coven, I guess. They demand she abdicate, effective immediately, and that they (well, Myrtle) take over until the new Supreme shows herself. Fiona will let Myrtle take control of her coven over her dead body, of course. Myrtle literally stands up to Fiona, and Fiona demonstrates her power by using it to force Myrtle's ass back into her chair, seriously freaking her out. Quentin, as usual, seems vaguely amused, which, considering a light gust of wind sucked him out of a window to his death in the Will & Grace finale, I think he should be a little more concerned.

Fiona then goes for the jugular. She accuses Myrtle of being the one who attacked Cordelia, and she can even prove it! Myrtle is beyond insulted, saying she was more of a mother to Cordelia than Fiona ever was. Fiona says she just latched onto Cordelia because she could never have children herself. Jeez, Fiona. That's cold. Myrtle begins to panic a little, and unfortunately decides to deflect by joking, "Oh, next she'll accuse me of murdering Madison Montgomery!" Big mistake. Fiona doesn't go into a scapegoating sesh without a plan. She paints this elaborate picture of Myrtle being in New Orleans during the time of Madison's disappearance, living under an alias from an old Veronica Lake movie Quentin loves. This part all seems to be true (correct me if you disagree), and Myrtle becomes increasingly agitated as Fiona flashbacks to scenes of Spalding spying on Myrtle coming and going from a motel room, and Fiona breaking in to find what basically amounts to a burn book collage of defaced Fiona pictures with big red exes all over her face. What an adolescent revenge board, Myrtle. There aren't even any step-by-step plans to ruin Fiona's credit score laid out or anything.

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American Horror Story

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