American Horror Story
Burn, Witch. Burn!

Episode Report Card
Mindy Monez: A | 87 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
The New Orleans Chainsaw Massacre

Myrtle doesn't outright deny anything, which seems unwise, especially when Fiona grabs her wrist and pulls off her glove, revealing an acid-burned hand. Yes, Myrtle is caught "red-handed." Oy. Pimbrooke is horrified but very brass tacks about the whole thing. She asks Myrtle if she has anything to say for herself, and for some reason she doesn't, so Pimbrooke just lays down the law: "Burn the witch." Quentin seconds, and Myrtle's fate is sealed. Fiona is smug as hell about it, which is very Fiona, but rather unnecessary. Sometimes petty is hot, and sometimes it's egregious. Learn the difference, lady.

The weird thing is Myrtle really embraces the verdict, giving some nonsense about how she's always been an outcast, and being burned alive is super non-conformist, so she's into it. What the fuck was that? This person has made it her life's mission to fight Fiona, up until a couple minutes ago, and now she's just lying down and dying at her will? This scene sure was thrown together like crap. And it makes even less sense at the end of the episode when we all find out she was (spoiler!) framed for the acid crime. Of all the ways to bring Misty Day to Fiona's door, this is the one they went with. Huh.

Time for a burnin'! They all go out to the country, Myrtle dressed in white and the coven and Council dressed in black, trailed by some bonus albino black security guards as accessories as the soundtrack pumps Chris Barber's "Right Place, Wrong Time." Because if you're going to take your music cues from another show, that show should be Scandal.

Myrtle climbs up to her stake and the albino gentlemen secure her to it, then douse her in gasoline. Fiona makes the indelicate choice to start the fire by flicking her cigarette on it, a final fuck you to her old enemy. Myrtle warns them all that they are mere frogs in Fiona's boiling pot, but it falls on deaf ears. As the flames engulf her Myrtle screams in pain, but only for a few a seconds, followed by a kind of boom and then she's gone. So, witches don't burn like people. That's nice for them! Everyone else is chillingly stone-faced about watching a fellow witch die, but Zoe is appropriately horrified. At least there's Zoe.

Back at the house, Fiona takes 100 more pills and has a visit from Queenie. You see, Queenie helped Fiona frame Myrtle for the acid (we flashback to Fiona's accusations and see Queenie put her own hand in acid on the other side of the wall, throwing the injury to Myrtle), and she'd like to know if she helped frame a guilty woman or an innocent one. Fiona's answer is "None of us innocent." Great. Very comforting. Queenie is wracked with guilt, saying she thought they were just kicking Myrtle out, not putting her to death, and now she can't stop smelling barbecued Frances Conroy everywhere she goes. Queenie says she can't live with what they've done, and as Fiona approaches her, I honestly seized up with dread that Fiona was about to kill off Queenie, and I can't really live without Queenie at this point because this season is kind of a mess otherwise.

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American Horror Story

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