American Horror Story
Dark Cousin

Episode Report Card
Joe R: B+ | Grade It Now!
Dark Cousin

Outside, it's darkest night, of course, and she scrambles to a road. As she's running, headlights appear behind her. Thredson? Kit escaping from jail? Sister Jude on a bendah? Oh no. Worse than all that, maybe. It's just a regular, heretofore unseen motorist... but he's played by William Mapother, who's played creeps on such shows as Lost and Justified and is also Tom Cruise's real-life cousin. Lana is so fucked. She hops in the car and begs him to drive, which he does. Inside, he's kind of put off at being bum-rushed like that. He immediately starts asking if she had a fight with her boyfriend. "What did you do to him?" Oh, it's like THAT. What follows is a rather rushed discussion on gender politics and conflict and whether women play the victim and so on. She at first just wants him to take her to the police, but the more he presents as a lady-hating psycho, she just asks him to let her out. He refuses. From one prison, to another, to another. Mapother then starts ranting about women who leave and cheat and take ten years of marriage and flush it down the toilet. Oh, find a therapist guy. Lana can recommend a very interesting one back down the road a ways. "You brought this on yourself," he says and produces a gun from his pocket. Next thing we know, the Angel of Death is riding along in the backseat. Lana looks back at her and is all, "Really? You? Now?" Mapother keeps ranting, keeps speeding faster and faster and he finally puts the gun in his mouth and pulls the trigger. Lana screams as the car loses control and crashes.

Next thing Lana knows, she's waking up to the pale face of Sister Mary Eunice. Sister Eunice tells her not to move, as she'll be in great pain. She's back to Briarcliff, where she belongs. The camera pans out, showing Lana strapped down to the bed; from prison to prison to prison to prison. The music swells and Devil Eunice's shadow on the wall looks like a perverted approximation of the Angel and her wings. No deliverance for Lana tonight, though.

After the break, we're treated to a delightful reunion. Well, not delightful, but it had been thirty minutes and no Sister Jude yet, and I had missed her. We're back in the hotel room with her and the rapidly bleeding-out body of Sam Goodman. We're treated to a repeat of the scene where he tells her that one of her own did this to him, only this time we also get a flashback to Devil Eunice throwing him into the mirror and then sticking him in the neck with one of the shards. For her part, Sister Jude could be handling this better. She's just kind of crying and she throws a towel down at him and then goes to find the phone. Only when she does, she sees a half-empty bottle of bourbon on the table. And -- while we see the Angel bend low to give Sam Goodman his last kiss -- she looks to the television and sees the article about the girl she murdered taped to it, with the word "murderer" written in blood. She's being set up. Suddenly, there's urgent knocking at the door.

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American Horror Story




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