American Horror Story

Episode Report Card
Mindy Monez: A | 76 USERS: A

Fiona arrives home to find Delia and Myrtle in the parlor arguing over Myrtle apparently not getting Delia's consent before shoving new eyes in her face. Fiona: "Who let this charcoal briquette in here?" Ha! Even when I find this show weak in the overall execution as I do this season, I can always rely on the dialogue writing to be on point and for its actors to relish their one-liners.

Fiona is thrilled that Myrtle, a usually quite incompetent witch, managed to pull off such a feat, even if the eyes are mismatched. We see a flash to Myrtle chopping up Pembroke and Quentin's bodies and tossing them in a drum of acid, Walter White-style, playing with the limbs like a pile of tinker toys along the way. Hey, crazy!

Fiona and Myrtle's feud remains alive and well as they retread old grievances. Fiona accuses Myrtle of blinding Delia again, Myrtle reminds Fiona that she murdered Madison, they go around and around as they do. Fiona even threatens to call The Council (good luck with that!) to banish Myrtle to Paramus, New Jersey, and let me tell you, Paramus is a hell hole of merciless traffic jams and bad chain restaurants and I don't even like to JOKE about going anywhere near there. Say, now that Myrtle is back from the dead and more powerful than ever, is she still hell-bent on destroying Fiona? She clearly finds her annoying, of course, but her motivation seems to have changed, hasn't it? It's strange that she found such satisfying revenge in murdering Pembroke and Quentin but seems to be almost giving Fiona a pass for framing her in the first place.

Delia breaks up the fight and tells them to get over themselves. The real danger is witch hunters, and they need to form a united front if they're going to survive the impending attacks. Myrtle hugs Delia and Delia discovers that her visions have gone with her blindness, a side effect Myrtle hadn't anticipated. Ahh man, she'll never get to see the awesome melon baller scene!

Zoe and Madison are strutting down the halls of the hospital dressed in goth Amish couture and goth Russian mafia hooker couture, respectively. It's a hot look for the most unglamorous place in all of New Orleans. They find Nan waiting outside Luke's hospital room, where she's been sitting since last night. Patti LuPone won't let her in to see him. Madison thinks that's bullshit, so they barge on in. Luke's in a coma, by the way. Patti starts railing on them, threatening to call security, calling them friends of demons, blaming Nan for Luke's condition (that last one's kind of true), the whole shebang. Nan hears Luke's thoughts begging Patti to calm down, and tells her so. Naturally, she calls her a liar. Madison: "No, bitch, she's clairvoyant." Patti's got a Bible verse comeback for basically everything, so Nan switches tacks. She tells her Luke wants to hear the song she used to sing to him as a child, which means PATTI LUPONE FINALLY SINGS. About goddamn time.

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American Horror Story




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