American Horror Story
Madness Ends

Episode Report Card
Joe R: A+ | 19 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Kennedy Center Honors Miss Lana Banana

Lana tells April that Cardinal Howard was a liar -- such a deluded and arrogant liar that he believed the lies he was telling. "Lies are like scars on your soul," she pontificates. "They destroy you." April catches that we're not talking about Cardinal Howard anymore. Lana indeed has something she wants to come clean about. A lie she's been telling for 40 years. God, does this woman have an innate grasp on the dramatics of live TV or what? So, yes, here's where Lana confesses about having lied in her book about the baby she had dying in childbirth. She didn't raise the child, she says, but someone did. We cut back to that moment where she had to nurse the infant Dylan Face, and she finally hands the baby back to the nurse and tells her to never make her do that again. The child, she says, will have to learn to live without his mother. Through the frosted glass, we see present-day Dylan Face eavesdropping on the conversation. April asks if she's had any contact with the child and Lana says there was a period in the mid-'70s were she was hit with terrible remorse for giving him up. We're then hit with a flashback to a schoolyard somewhere in New England or thereabouts. I know I've already talked about the stellar wardrobe work on this episode, but you really have to get a look at what Lana's wearing here -- from the giant rose-colored shades to the fur-trimmed jacket -- she's a vision. Anyway, Glamorous Lana spots some dick kids picking on a smaller boy for liking dinosaurs. They're shoving him and calling him a faggot, and Lana strides across the playground and shoves the bully away, promising to hurt him in ways he's never dreamed of if he picks on this kid again. She then crouches down to the boy and hands him back his glasses. "You know he's the asshole, right?" she says to him. He knows. She then reaches a gloved hand out to touch his face. The lookie-loos in the schoolyard will probably all use this as fodder to bully young Dylan Face even further, but for now, Lana's his angel of mercy. After an uncomfortable moment or two, he runs away. It was the last time she saw him, Lana tells April. "I wasn't his mother." Out in the foyer, Dylan Face takes a tortured gulp of his drink. Because I guess crew guys get to drink out of the good tumblers now? AND he's eating an éclair? AN ÉCLAIR? How anyone can maintain a glower while eating one of heaven's finest confections is beyond me. Anyway.

Lana continues to talk to April about how she never had any other children -- it was a different time for gay women, she says -- but Kit made her godmother to his alien babies. Flashback to Kit's wedding to somebody new. Another dynamite look for Lana here, looking like Loretta Lynn as she dances happily with the children (kudos to FX for shelling out for the good stuff -- Stevie Wonder's "I Wish," which will never not remind me first and foremost of "Wild Wild West," unfortunately). They're all so happy! This is seriously the happiest hour of TV I have watched in forever. On THIS show! Thomas, Lana says, is a law professor at Harvard; Julie a neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins. Kit didn't live to see it, though. Around age 40, he developed pancreatic cancer. We see Lana go to visit him in his final days. She says he was peaceful. Then one day, she tells April, he up and vanished. We all know what that means, but we see it anyway: the flash of light, the buzzy sounds, the barely perceptible reflections of figures in his eyes. The aliens came back for him one last time. I wonder if Kit ever told Lana about the aliens. He must have, right? He was so open and earnest about everything. There was no funeral, Lana says, because the alien children said there was "no reason to mourn."

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