We got a look into how Delphine went from a refined lady of wealth and influence to a homicidal maniac of wealth of influence in flashbacks this week. Basically, she saw some blood and it flipped a switch in her. In the present, she satisfied her bloodlust on some poor guy who ended up chopped to pieces and disemboweled in Spalding's doll room. Speaking of Spalding, he reappeared and tricked Delphine into "murdering" Marie with some dissolved Benadryl tablets, which went about as well as you'd think it would. Luckily for Delphine, once Marie discovered her plan and began to enact her revenge, Spalding threw her down the stairs, knocking her out. On Spalding's advice, Delphine plans to bury her somewhere where she can't dig her way out. Sure, that'll work.
In a delightful bit of gore, Fiona, Marie and the Axeman murdered the crap out of a dozen Delphi Trust guys, including Hank's father and his handsome right hand man, who I will miss looking at. The scene was a lot of fun, incorporating a little bit of everything this show does well. Also, Marie ordered a Diet Sprite and actually got one, which should probably be added to the Seven Wonders.
The Coven doormat Cordelia stabbed her eyes out with garden shears in a desperate attempt to get her second sight back. Myrtle called her a hero. I hate to sound like Fiona, but how pathetic.
And Zoe and Kyle packed their bags and got on a bus to Epcot together, never to return. I assume the bus never leaves and she'll be back at Miss Robichaux's next week, but that was a nice idea.
Mindy Monez would rather stab her own eyes out than spend one second in the tacky dregs of Epcot. You can tweet with her @garnisheater.
Previously: Madison buried Misty alive! Nan killed Patti LuPone! Fiona and Marie killed Nan! Lance Reddick in a Rob Zombie clown hat! The sweet, melancholy sounds of Stevie Nicks brought Fiona to tears! Everybody on the show spontaneously developed new powers at shocking rates! As usual, it was nuts.
Flashback to Delphine moving into her New Orleans manse in 1830, which can only mean one thing: We're about to be treated to some gold old Madame LaLaurie-style GORE! Her slaves are running around, responding to her many barks and commands (at one point she explains that her suitcase is "Brownnnn, like your skin" to one of them, because RACIST, in case you forgot). Delphine leads Borquita around the grounds, bitching about having to leave Paris and all its refined civilization and delicious carbs. Delphine worries that if she's trapped here in New Orleans with only slaves and her daughters to converse with she'll end up feeble-minded before next week. She worries these things aloud, of course. Borquita takes issue with the insult, but Borquita is, as usual, outmatched by her mother's nastiness. Things are bleak here in New Orleans, and Delphine needs inspiration. Hey, does anybody hear chickens?
Cut to Borquita and a group of slaves trying to catch and kill a chicken for dinner, which is awfully egalitarian of the LaLaurie family. It becomes clear that Borquita's never slaughtered a chicken before, and she calls for her mother, who is working (working!) in the house in an apron (an apron!). I have no idea why either of them are doing manual labor, but I guess moving requires everyone to do their part? Delphine is annoyed that Borquita is wimping out about chopping the chicken's head off, and, disgusted, snatches the cleaver from her and swiftly separates the chicken from its head. As the blood spurts out of its neck, Delphine has an interesting reaction. She puts her hand in the stream and marvels at it, handling the stream like a bolt of fine silks. Delphine is transformed. Delphine now has a taste for blood. Watch your ass.
Some time later, a slave is screaming in agony in the barn due to a gruesome leg accident. You'd think he'd be screaming because of some Kathy Bates bloodlust, but nope, just an ordinary barn accident of some kind. Delphine hasn't quite been established as her horrible sadistic self, so she runs in to help, and her slave is appreciative. But this is a post-chicken neck Delphine, and once she sees the blood squirting out of her slave's leg, she knows she can't help him. This is too much fun. She shuts down Borquita's offer to call a doctor (as if an 1830 doctor would have any idea what to do anyway) and knocks the poor injured slave out. Next thing we know she has him tied up in the barn and covered in blood from head to toe. Delphine's going to like New Orleans after all! She is as giddy as a schoolgirl over her new toy. That's our girl!