So after lingering on every excruciating moment at Briarcliff for ten episodes, this hour spans about seven months or so and basically changes everything.
In the framing story, Dylan Face gets himself a hooker to breastfeed him and listen to his bitching about his mom. Dylan Face seems like a real loser, as far as serial killers go.
Back in the Sixties, Grace explains her excellent alien adventure to Kit, specifically that the aliens implanted a giant potpourri husk into her womb and that turned out to be their baby. Only, sorry, Grace saw a dead Alma up on the mothership, so that's bad news. Also, their baby is "special" and will "change the way people think," so start imagining the worst possible people this kid could grow up to be. But before Mom and Dad can be blissful crazies for too long, Monsignor Howard and his goons come by and take the baby away, to the orphanage.
Meantime, Mother Claudia gets really gung-ho about her new assignment to get Lana set free. She hands Lana her file and ushers her right out the door. Lana promises to come back for Jude, flips Dr. Thredson the bird from her taxi, and just like that, she's out. For good. That night, she meets Ollie at home with a gun and tells him the police have the recording of his confession and are on the way. He stalls for time, fixing a drink, starting the fireplace, telling the awful story about sexing Wendy's corpse before burning her remains. He also eyes a gun that's out of Lana's sight, but just as it starts to seem like he's going to get the upper hand AGAIN, she shoots him through the head. Another one bites the dust!
Back at Briarcliff, Judy's going all McMurphy in the common room and absolutely UNLOADING on Monsignor Howard for being such a disappointing hypocrite. Howard has her sent into solitary so he can fret about all the bad publicity Briarcliff has been getting now that Lana is free and her story is getting a lot of coverage. With his name now cleared, Kit gets released, and in a rare moment of savvy, he secures Grace's release -- and the return of their son -- in exchange for keeping quiet about everything he's seen. Kit, Grace, and baby Thomas return to Kit's old house -- which is still in the state it was when he was arrested, of course -- and find a surprise visitor in the bedroom: Alma, with a baby of her own. Reality show!
Lana wants to finally get that abortion she's had her eye on, but when it comes time for the actual procedure, she freaks out. There's been too much death. So she decides to keep her fatherless baby and funnel all her efforts into getting Sister Jude freed. Only when she and the cops get a court order to see Jude, Monsignor Howard tells them she's dead. Produces a certificate and everything. Of course, Judy remains alive, hidden away in some dungeon.
Lana eventually has her baby, which she intends to give up for adoption. But the idiot nurse wakes her up to inform her that the baby is allergic to formula and needs to eat. So Lana permits the thing to suckle at her breast, because if last season's end was a bloodbath, this season seems to be drowning in milk.
(BTW, um, whither Pepper? Kit and Grace and baby got out? Is Pepper still locked up? Did the aliens take her back. Maybe that's what the final two episodes will be about.)
You know, these present-day scenes have really taken on a gloomy pall now that we've traded in the slutty charms of Adam Levine for Dylan McDermott's sweaty, sad-sacky take on Bloody Face 2K12. Right now, he's sitting in his darkened home -- the same one his dad, the original Bloody Face, owned -- and smoking pot. While we take a tour of the art direction, scattered with totems of a sad, solitary existence (empty beer bottles, roll of paper towels on the coffee table, can of Raid on the end table), there's a knock at the door. It's a hooker, if you can believe that, and we're introduced to her at breast level. They ain't bad. Her name's Pandora and she just had a baby three weeks ago, which is important once you realize that Dylan Face picked her because he's into suckling. Yes, that's right. This oddly breastmilk-obsessed season really kicks into high gear this week as we discover that Father and Son both have the same tastes in that regard.
So after a whole lot of blah-blah from Dylan Face about whether her breasts leak when a baby cries and the importance of breast-feeding for early childhood development (parroting his father with that observation). Pandora, bless her, does her level best to make the idea of breastfeeding an adult man sound sexy. It's just a lot of cooing and promises to mother him and it's fantastically creepy. Finally -- FINALLY -- the bra comes off and he dives right in and we mercifully go to credits.
Back from the break, Kit is hauled out of solitary by Thredson and an orderly. Thredson is talking about taking Kit to see his son, but isn't buying that ol' Ollie is here for the do-goodery of it all. "What's your endgame, Thredson??" he hollers, impressing me by knowing what "endgame" means. Thredson lectures Kit about his own legendary concern for the welfare of children. Like Kit should have assumed. "You and I both would move heaven and earth for our children," he seethes, obviously kinda pissed about the whole thing where Lana tried to abort his child and is now basically holding it hostage in her womb.
Off to the common room! Where a for-no-real-reason fish-eye shot shows us Grace holding her baby surrounded by various Briarcliff crazies all clamoring to get a look at him. Pepper, that pinheaded saint, is trying to keep them all at bay. Kit is so happy to see mother and child when he shows up. Grace, who is still acting like a blissed out weirdo, though at least she's speaking in sentences now, says she's going to name the child Thomas, after her grandfather. Because we all know family is very important to parent-killing Grace. Thredson, of course, is just full of questions about Grace's lactation, because among his many faults he's got a one-track mind. Pepper is in full "I'M ON TO YOU!" mode, however, and tells him to leave Grace alone. Not bad, Pepper, but where was this can-do attitude a week ago when Thredson was basically presenting you, Grace and baby as a tableau to threaten Kit with? Thredson simply smirks and has Pepper hauled off to the hydrotherapy room. He then leaves Kit and Grace to enjoy their "precious miracle" while he takes everyone else to the cafeteria for a group therapy session, which should be scintillating, what with the presence of Head-Bashing Harry and Carl the Chronic Masturbator (perhaps not their real names).