American Horror Story
Spilt Milk

Episode Report Card
Joe R: A- | 4 USERS: A
Spilt Milk

And so, on a sunnyspring day, we see a taxicab pull up to an isolated house, and Kit, Grace and baby Thomas step out. It's Kit's old home -- because, seriously, abandoned houses just stay that way in Massachusetts. I know there are still two episodes left, but I like to think of this as a bookend for Grace, because her bangs are fully grown out and in general her hair looks dynamite. You've come a long way, baby! They walk inside and the place is still trashed from the alien invasion. You know, fine. Sure. That's absolutely realistic. Grace is mostly happy that the house isn't Briarcliff and who could blame her? They hear a noise coming from the bedroom and Kit immediately jumps into protective-father mode. He picks up a baseball bat and enters the bedroom, yelling at the person sitting on the bed. Only that person is Alma and she's holding a baby. And Kit thought having a black wife was going to cause neighborhood gossip!

Lana is meeting with an abortionist in what looks to be a motel room and it's just all wrong. They couldn't have crunched some numbers and freed up the guest-star budget to get Michael Caine to reprise his role from The Cider House Rules? Lana tells her story -- in broad strokes -- to the woman, who is appropriately horrified. Soon enough, they're ready to begin the procedure. Lana is somewhat wary about proper sterilization measures. This lady is no back-alley hack, she's boiled all the instruments thoroughly, but the reality is that hospital-grade sterilization isn't possible outside of an actual hospital. Once again folks, the 1960s! The lady begins the procedure and Lana's mind wanders to her shooting of Oliver. She yelps out in horror, either at the memory or at the sensation of what's going in below her waist. The woman tells her to please not make any more loud noises, as they cannot afford to draw attention to themselves. She asks Lana to open her legs a little wider, but the flood of horrible memories can't be stopped. The rapes and the Angel Conroy and the psychotic, suicidal truck drivers and the nipple lamps and the Bloody Face masks. It all becomes too much for her to take. She stops the abortionist's hand. "I can't," she whispers. "No more death." Certainly not an un-contrived way of ensuring that Bloody Face 2.0 lives to see the light of day, but after everything we've seen this season, I'm not about to call this moment out as unrealistic.

so Lana's book gets published, under the title "My Experiences at Briarcliff Manor: A Recollection of Events." Kind of dry, but okay. She's taken the manuscript to the cops in order to get them to do something about Briarcliff, particularly in light of all the unexplained disappearances there. (Pepper's photograph is shown amid this discussion of unexplained disappearances, but that could just refer to her abduction. Keep hope alive for Pepper!) The cops condescend to her and tell her not to upset herself in her condition. Her pregnancy is starting to show now, but she says THEY'RE the ones upsetting HER. Also, no show about the olden times would be complete without a shot of a pregnant lady smoking, and Lana's not about to make an exception. She tells the cops that if they got a court order to get her inside, Sister Jude could substantiate all of it. She tells them that Jude is being held against her will. What about Mother Claudia? The church shipped her off to Puerto Rico the second she started making noise. At this point, Lana is outright begging the cops to help her. "That's his baby, isn't it?" the younger cop asks her. "Bloody Face, he's the father?" Lana looks right back at them and says, "This baby doesn't have a father." Ice cold. The cop, impressed by her mettle, says, "You're one tough cookie." And having been served up such a softball, Lana can only do her part by crushing it: "I am tough... but I'm no cookie."

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American Horror Story




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