It's the usual tons of shit this week, so let's take it one step at a time.
So it turns out that Fiona's mentor back in the day was Christine Ebersole, and apparently the deal is that when the ascendant Supreme comes into her powers, the old one starts receding. Fiona's solution to such an impasse back in the day was to slash Christine Ebersole's throat open and take all the power for herself. Now, as she finds herself aging and -- after a consult and blood work with the ol' plastic surgeon -- diagnosed with cancer, while Madison is shaking her shit in front of the hot new neighbor boy and setting his religious-conservative mother Patti LuPone's curtains on fire. If you're counting, that's power besides telekinesis, which makes Fiona look at her as if she's the new ascendant Supreme.
So Fiona takes her out for coffee and some field magic, followed by a night at the pool hall (where Madison attracts the attention of all the men, further painting Fiona as the old maid), after which they return home and Fiona tells Madison that she's the new Supreme and that she should kill Fiona now and get it over with. Fiona produces the knife, but Madison doesn't want to and there's a struggle, and ultimately it's Madison who ends up with her throat slashed. Which is… what Fiona wanted all along? It's unclear whether this was an elaborate plot by Fiona or if she's just really good at rolling with the punches, but "This coven doesn't need a new Supreme, it needs a new rug" says a lot.
Meanwhile, Misty Day really has got Kyle looking quite improved for a stitched-together Frankentwink. She gets possessive of him when Zoe comes to claim him (which can happen when bonds are forged over Fleetwood Mac's "Sara"), but Zoe's already got a dumb idea in her head. Seems she's sought out Kyle's mom as a form of atonement (or something), and now she thinks returning Kyle to her will make everything all better. Except, oops, Kyle's mom is pretty used to having sex with Kyle, and his inability to speak and clearly unfamiliar body (ew) are telling her something's wrong. Indeed there is, lady. And when she tries to arouse (ahem) his memory, Kyle ultimately beats her to gory death with a sports trophy. Frankentwink MAD!
Let's see, what else? Cordelia still can't manage to get pregnant, so she approaches Marie Laveau and asks for a secret voodoo fertility spell that apparently involves boiling mason jars full of semen and then splattering goat blood all over her bikini zone. But that's a ritual for tribe members only, and particularly since Cordelia is the daughter of Marie's sworn enemy, she's outta luck.
Finally, Fiona is fed up with Delphine's racist bullshit, so she punishes her by not only making her the house maid but also, after a particular racist diatribe, Queenie's personal slave. In those very words. They're the original odd couple! Things manage to get even weirder when Delphine hears a rustling outside, only to see that it's the Minotaur she created way back when (who is apparently both an actual minotaur now and also immortal?). Queenie tells Delphine to beat it, as she heads outside to lure said minotaur into a secluded location, at which point virginal Queenie decides she wants this beast to be her first. Things get sexy, though we do leave things off with the Minotaur's hand threateningly around her throat. If you can't trust a mythical half-man, half-bull to be a tender lovemaker, who can you trust?
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Are you ready for some motherfucking FISH-EYE LENSES? I hope so, because they are all the hell over this opening scene. Fiona can't sleep, not even after a nightcap of pills and some scotch. In the parlor, she ends up having a flashback to 1971 and her days as a student at the Miss Robicheaux's, when her mentor (and the Supreme of her time) was Anna-Lee Leighton. Anna-Lee is played by the fantastic Christine Ebersole, the first of tonight's two Broadway divas. Riley Voelkel -- "Sorority Girl" from The Newsroom and a junior Charlize Theron -- plays teenage Fiona, who is sporting a choker and an attitude.
Young Fiona asks Anna-Lee when she knew, in her bones, that she was the new Supreme. Anna-Lee talks about how she was younger than Fiona is now when she began manifesting multiple powers. But it's not simply a multitude of magical aptitudes that decides supremacy -- one must master something called the "Seven Wonders," something I assume we'll hear about as the season goes along. Young Fiona starts to get lippy, impatient with the wait to ascend to what she knows is her role as the heir Supreme. Anna-Lee basically tells her to slow her roll -- all while retrieving a cigarette from a boss-looking cylindrical case where you unscrew the top and out spring your cigs like petals on a flower. I want. Anyway. Fiona shoots back at Anna-Lee that she's fading in her old age, and beginning to fall prey to a whole host of ailments, from diabetes to liver trouble. Anna-Lee slaps this impudent brat (or, in her words, a "vicious little gash," like, YIKES) and then tells this "selfish, craven little child" that she will see her burn in hell before she ever takes the throne. And if you've ever watched television before, you know that Young Fiona's retort is "Save me a spot," at which point she slashes her mentor's throat open with a dagger. Well, that didn't take long! Young Fiona looks over at Young Denis O'Hare playing Young Igor and they share a look. In the present, Old Fiona looks over at Old Igor and is all, "Cat got your tongue?" Get it? Because he's tongue-less and she's a bitch?
After the credits, we get a scene where Fiona luxuriates at the bar of a local singles joint, as she voices over about the "dance" that's always gone on in her life. She's talking about her ability to seduce men, from princes to paupers, the world over. It's implied that this is accomplished via some combination of magic and her own natural abilities, but whatever it was, that power has faded considerably, as we see a young-ish single stride right past her at the bar to go talk to someone younger.