A lot happened, but nothing happened? It was one of those episodes. Hank began haphazardly hunting all the Salem descendants -- beginning with Misty (surprise!) of all people -- but she was saved by a newly revived Myrtle, who is now convinced that Misty is the Supreme. Myrtle must read the Internet! They escape Hank’s attack and head to Miss Robichaux’s, where Cordelia takes them in with open arms.
Delia also brings them into her elaborate plan to kill Fiona, which amounted to less of a murder scheme and more of an oh-just-kill-yourself one. The crazy thing is that it works, and after a little persuasion by the ghost of Madison and some bitchy comments by Myrtle, Fiona dolls herself up, puts on her finest fur and swallows a bottle of pills -- resigned to death. But, Zoe’s brash decision to murder Spalding in the house has left him confined there as a ghost a la the Axeman, and he appears before Fiona, serves her some ipecac and she is resolved anew to stay alive just to spite them all. So much for that.
The Coven is stung by Queenie’s defection, but they get over it. Also, no one notices that Delphine is actually missing, not just sleeping in or being lazy about her chores for almost the entire episode. Speaking of Delphine, Angela Bassett shows up for one short scene this week in order to chop off her hand -- before she can even finish enjoying the Frostop burger Queenie brought her! That’s cold. Offscreen, she also cuts off Delphine’s head, places it in a box and messengers it to Miss Robichaux’s, where I guess it’s intended to be payback for Bastian, as if Fiona even cares about Delphine. When Fiona and Delia open it, Delphine’s head is disembodied but awake and trying to talk on account of that whole immortality thing.
Patti Lupone showed up again, as we got a glimpse into Luke’s home life, which turns out to be quite a gross and abusive one. It is the season of horrible mothers, after all. Nan hears his thoughts and runs over to save him, drawing Hank’s crosshairs, which Patti Lupone and Luke end up the victims of. Nan’s fine. Oh, and so is Patti Lupone, as Fiona forces Misty to bring her back to life, which should be fun. As suspected, Hank never opens fire on Miss Robichaux’s or any of the witches when they’re outside and in the open, because he’s the most inept assassin in New Orleans. This will be easy.
Kyle spends the episode up in a bedroom playing with a children’s learning app provided by Zoe, but he does end up telling Zoe he loves her, which, of course, Madison overhears and is devastated by. The undead love triangle lives!
Mindy Monez’s only goal in life is STILL to someday hit the Frostop drive-thru with Gabourey Sidibe and Kathy Bates at three a.m. This episode did not change that. You can tweet with her @garnisheater.
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Previously: Zoe fucked dead people, Fiona fell in love with the Axeman, Cordelia decided to kill Fiona, and Queenie betrayed Delphine and defected to Marie's. Other things too, but those were the big ones.
Queenie is out walking under a bridge alone in the middle of the night. This bridge is home to all kinds of unsavory aspects – drug addicts, amputees, abandoned shopping carts, rodents, and of course, at least one rapist. The one rapist we know about approaches Queenie as if a normal young girl would really venture down to bridge town alone and unarmed. He unzips his pants and says something awful about plugging all her holes (good grief), so Queenie finds the nearest piece of scrap wood with nails sticking out of it and stabs herself in the hand. The injury transfers to him, but Queenie isn't finished yet. She clubs herself in the head a few times, possibly just knocking him out but more likely killing him dead.
She pauses at the sounds of what I can only describe as demonic whispering in the air, which is apparently what happens when Zoe and Madison go under bridge. Zoe demands to know what the hell Queenie is doing, and Queenie's like, voodoo secrets, sorry. The girls try to coax Queenie back into their Coven with promises of new and improved management under the new Supreme, as if that's any way to sell it. Queenie lets them in on the fact that Fiona tried to tell her she was the Supreme once (a scene that never ended up amounting to anything, I might add), so maybe don't believe everything everyone tells you at Miss Robichaux's. She does have a point there. Queenie produces a massive hunting knife from her light spring jacket and, to the horror of both of them, rips open the rapist's chest and tears out his heart. "Marie Laveau needs a black heart. And I'm gonna give it to her." Awesome. Queenie explains that the heart will be used in a magic voodoo potion to give her more powers, the kind of help Fiona would never dare give them. I am no Emma Roberts fan, but her horrified side-eye to Zoe while Queenie sasses them holding a still beating heart is pretty great stuff.
Fiona is trying to eat toast in bed (very normal) but the treatment for her "Meningeal carcinomatosis" is throwing some nausea curves at her. She calls it "Satan's diet pill" in her trademark glamorous spin on things. She writhes on the floor in pain and references the River Styx, so yes, things are rough. Even worse? "I'm starting to look less Samantha and more Endora every day." Heh. She faces herself in the mirror, but at night, in the dark, and with the night traffic outside moving obscuring shadows across her face. Fiona's confidence has been a little rocked, you could say. And when she told her own daughter she was terminal, that hateful brat insulted her Thanksgiving stuffing! Most solo Fiona scenes happen in a bubble of her own perception, and this is no different. If you saw this out of context you might even believe she's the victim in this story.