Next, bouquet of flowers appears on screen and with those beautiful flowers is an envelope, and in that envelope is a card and the card reads: "Dear Joe R: We heard you were recapping this season. We hope this gift brings you joy. We love you and appreciate your support. -- AHS." ...Okay, that didn't happen, but it might as well have, as we enter the ward's common room to the peppy, Gallic strains of "Dominique," made famous by singing nuns and that one scene in Mermaids. This version has a more spooky edge to it, so you can imagine how effective it is. Kit wanders the common room and takes in the various freaks: Pepper's there, of course, as is an old man playing checkers and having fits, a Miss Havisham-esque old lady and Shelley, who is all over Kit's open-backed gown and promises him a good time in the "hydrotherapy room." I don't even know what that is, but if it leads to Shelley fucking Kit while he's being waterboarded, that... actually sounds about right for this show. Kit's obviously overwhelmed and wants to make it all stop, and the one thing it looks like he CAN make stop is the music, so he makes a beeline for the record player. He's stopped by a woman with big Tim-Burton-character eyes and a friendly demeanor. Also a terrible hairdo with stringy bangs, I guess so we all know she's also crazy. She tells Kit any one of these loonies will rat him out for a piece of candy, so is turning the music off worth the caning he'll get. Apparently it's a rule that as long as the common room is open, that song plays. I APPROVE. The woman -- who's name is Grace and I don't feel like waiting for someone to say it -- tells Kit he can trust her because she's not crazy. Might I refer you to your aforementioned hairstyle?

Now that Kit's met one friendly, according to the laws of movies set in institutions; it's time for him to meet one enemy. This one comes in the form of a bullying prick with bad teeth (braces) named Spivey and played by Mark Consuelos and I already know I hate him because he's played by Mark Consuelos. He basically says three words to Kit and then starts punching him, causing a huge ruckus in the ward. By the time Sister Jude shows up to break it up, Kit's already-woozy ass is on the ground and the record has been stopped. She strides across the floor, past cowering patients who have learned to fear her lash and puts the record back on. Then she nods to the orderlies and they rush Kit and crack him over the head with a club. Commercial.