American Horror Story
Welcome to Briarcliff

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Joe R: A- | 10 USERS: A-
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Welcome to Briarcliff

While all this is going on, Lana's still wandering the halls. After walking past a door with visible claw-marks on the outside, she comes upon a door that looks mighty similar to the one that proved to be the final resting place of Adam Levine's arm. She opens the slot and peeks in, calling for "Mr. Walker." Suddenly, a creature rushes at the opening and grabs at Lana's head, slamming it into the door, knocking her out and sending us into the commercial break.

When we return, it's the next morning, and a furious Sister Jude is reprimanding Sister Eunice in her office, presumably for letting Lana into the hospital. She's places their entire operation at risk, not to mention the Monsignor's life's work and lofty dreams. Sister Eunice is crying like an actual baby. Like a child who thinks her mother's yelling means she doesn't love her anymore. This is, like, clinical infantile behavior. Sister Jude goes on that maybe she was wrong to favor Eunice above all the others; maybe everybody else was right when they called Eunice stupid. Eunice calms down a bit and looks at the can that Sister Jude keeps slamming down on the desk. "Is that big enough?" Eunice asks. Ahh, right on time! Apropos of nothing sadomasochism! Eunice takes the inadequately hefty cane back to the cabinet (CANE CABINET! Anonymous Leather Club Pseudonym achieved!) and comes back with a cane that Sister Jude might as well call Big Betty or something similarly aggrandizing. Eunice then resumes her childlike crying and demands to be punished. Needless to say, Sister Jude is grossed out to the max, particularly when Eunice lifts up the back of her habit, pulls down her bloomers and bends over the desk, exposing her lily-white bum for maximum cane-age. She starts calling herself stupid and slamming herself down on the desk. Sister Jude finally pulls Sister Eunice's habit back down and slaps her once on the behind. She doesn't have time for this foolishness. But she warns Eunice that if she ever calls herself stupid again, she'll cane her bloody. Kinda throwing mixed messages all over the place, aren't we, Sister?

After one last ad break, Lana wakes up to the stern face of Sister Jude telling her that she's had an accident. The camera pulls back to reveal Lana's strapped down to a hospital bed. "Something attacked me," Lana says woozily, but Sister Jude callously chalks that up to a writer's overactive imagination. She says Lana "took a tumble." She's got a long recovery ahead of her here at Briarcliff. "You can't keep me here," Lana insists. "People will come looking for me." Sister Jude's piousness turns even crueler as she says, "You think so?"

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American Horror Story

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