American Idol
11th & 10th Worst Eliminated

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Looking Like A True Survivor/Feeling Like A Little Kid

These little moviolas they do at the beginning of the elimination episodes are so fascinating. It's like the hardest mandate, because you're having to make a little featurette about how this is simultaneously a funeral and a football game, and they're really doing it up this year with the sad music and gritty backstage footage. Well done. I feel like this is going to take one million years, even more than usual, because of the whole double-eliminating thing. Ryan will find a way to dick it right around.

Man, Elton John brings up a lot of childhood stuff, doesn't he? That was crazy last night. And then coincidentally tonight I saw the tour of the revival of West Side Story that closed in January, and it was so good!

Besides Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar, Anita is probably my favorite person in all of musicals. She's totally bad-ass, she's a composite of the three best characters in Romeo & Juliet, and she's also from the future, like, she's like the only person in the entire play that gets it, so when shit falls apart it's mostly just sad because she was right the whole time, and it just didn't matter. It's like Battlestar Galactica with those guys. Everybody was crying throughout the whole second act, it was wild.

And the dancing! I felt really lucky to be seeing that dancing. Jerome Robbins, you're totally forgiven for the whole HUAC-collaboration thing.

Seems like instead of just having one person sing for the save, they're going to fill the hour by having the kids sing songs before they head to the B3. I like that idea, actually. It's nice to have songs happening and then things, and then songs again. Better than having to deal with will.i.am and Fantasia without our backup.

ROUND ABOUT MIDNIGHT AT THE CAFÉ CRACKER BARREL

First duet is Lauren and Scotty, a song called "I Told You So" which given the two of them, will be country. But it's not totally annoying country, it's like Olivia Newton-John, Garth Brooks country. Scotty is totally smirky annoying-face the whole time, but Lauren manages to class up the joint enough that you can focus on the pretty song. Ryan pulls those two little chumps up to the Seal and we remember Lauren's "Candle In The Wind," which was beloved for all the right reasons, and Scotty's pandering BS. Then they are both safe -- I told you so, as the old song goes -- because that's who watches this show now.

They do some kind of impenetrable L O S T crap where you have to log in to a website while Shazamming your phone while watching the Focus ad. The song itself is that trashy song about being your Superman, and Casey and Naima are superheroes doing all manner of moody stuff. Dumb.

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American Idol

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