American Idol
Auditions: The ATX

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Do It Like A Dude

The show starts with an apology for Steven Tyler's outrageous behavior last week, and assures it won't happen again, but I honestly don't know what they mean by that. He's always the perfect picture of a gentleman, as I remember it. And anyway, this shit was all recorded months ago so it means nothing, and you can only ever trust this show American Idol so far. Sometimes they do lie.

Actually, right before the credits there's a pretty cute thing where this nice-looking kid Jake Muck comes in and Steven goes, "You know what Muck rhymes with, don't you?" And the kid's like, "Duck?" And Steven yells, "Read my lips!" See, when it's self-aware grossness I don't mind so much. There's a way to be a weirdo uncle that can be okay. More of that.

It's Austin, so you know what that means: Cows, servicemen, country songs, weirdos. Spurs, saddles, things like we have here in Austin, for riding our horses. But where is Ryan? Talking to his dad on the phone and running late for the first time in his entire life. I bet being Ryan's dad is the most fulfilling thing. Marc Anthony shows up and kisses J. Lo and Steven tries to get some off of him, and Marc's like, "I do not yet have the nerve for that." Steven shrieks weirdly about it, and yep: Still charming. When this dam breaks I am going to flip.

So the first guy Corey Levoy (21, Longview, TX) is adorable, and his whole deal is that he grew up minutes from his older sister, but they only recently met and now they are the best of friends. Only Mumford & Sons could possibly portray the scope of this story, so that's what we're going to hear. They go on horseback rides together and drink Diet Cokes together and other brother-sister activities.

She is just ridiculously sweet and supportive, and he's so darling, and right away you've got somebody to root for. If this turns out mean I am going to be so sad but I don't know anymore. Sometimes this show is so mean and sometimes no. After he tells the Judgery that, in their place, she would probably be harsher than any of them, they pull out a chair for her and Steven is totally nice to her.

Corey is super nervous, and then he sings "I Can't Make You Love Me" in the high voice you'd expect from his talking -- which Randy brings up later -- but it's very pretty and he gets over the nerves pretty fast and then closes his eyes for a bit, and then all three of the judges are totally into it. Steven looks over at the sister and she just nods like, "Yeah, that's right." It's super sweet. He's like, "I know I have a weird cartoon voice and I've always been teased about it, but also I get to sing like this, so."

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American Idol

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