Tuesday. The teaser commercial a couple of minutes before the show starts promises nine finalists left and nine performances. See, they can't afford to shoot new commercials because they need that money for background checks.
Ryan "The Hustle" Seacrest greets us from atop the seal with eight contestants. But? But? Where is Corey? Rickey is wearing a giant, fake afro. Ryan tells us that the delayed disco theme is tonight, so we've all been duly warned. They even hung a couple of mirror balls from the ceiling in a doomed attempt to capture the mood.
Credits. Finally they've got a theme where Ryan can dress the way he always does and fit right in. Although, ironically, his outfit is rather blah. His denim jacket, though, does have '70s lapels. Oh, look, there's Jewel in the audience. There's your future, kids. If you're lucky, you'll get a couple of hits before everybody forgets who you are and you need captions to identify you in the audience of some crappy reality show. Ryan greets us by making a gay joke about himself. Then he makes a joke about his penis. I understand they're always making jokes like this on other all-ages shows like 7th Heaven and Spongebob Squarepants. Ryan tells us that it's all "platform shoes, polyester suits, glitter body gel, and roller skates" as they boogie their way through the show tonight. Sadly, the only part of that statement that's true is the polyester suits. No glitter. No roller skates. Bastards.
Ryan introduces the kids out to the stage. Rickey, Clay, and Kimberley Locke appear to be the only ones to have even made an effort to dress for the theme. Ruben is wearing a black-and-white 205 shirt. Is he attending a wedding after the show?
But where is Corey? There's no Corey! My god, did something happen to Corey? Oh, sorry. It's a bit annoying that they play Corey's ejection up like some sort of surprise when it was all over the news the day before the show even aired. But there's no avoiding it this time, the way they ignored Frenchie's and Jaered's ejections. Ryan explains to the audience that Corey is gone. He says we all may have read about charges filed against Corey. He says the charges were news to them. Ryan explains that Corey "chose not to reveal his arrest" to producers, preventing them the opportunity to choose the most advantageous time to reveal it to the public to get ratings. So he's out. Corey gets a final, choppily edited confessional to insist on his innocence. He's accused of beating up his sister and resisting arrest. But he's innocent! He was too scared to tell the producers, because he's a fame whore, and getting denied the opportunity to be on television is a fate far, far worse than prison. Corey apologizes to any contestants who may have been cut to make room for him. From his couch, Patrick Lake shoots some devil horns at the television while Enya plays on his stereo in the background. Corey, like any good fame whore, promises that this isn't the end. Well, it's the end for me -- no more Corey recapping! Hooray! Although I'm sure all the companies whose jingles I hadn't gotten to yet are disappointed.