I fucking hate zombie things. Not only is an attraction to the macabre a sign of a culture on the decline, but also what it feeds. Number one, I hate any apocalypse because it implies that you would be relieved if the world ended and you didn't have to answer your cell phone anymore, which is stupid and lazy and you should already have more control over your life than that, and if you honestly don't feel in charge of your technology and responsibilities, that's on you. You are the only person in charge of how awesome things are right now.

Number two, especially I hate zombie apocalypses, because they imply that other people are an obstruction to you getting through your day and would be better off getting shot through the head. The sweet release of just opening fire on a crowd of people because they're not as special and alive as you are: That is disgusting. That is actual misanthropy disguised as entertainment, appealing to the grossest things inside you, and I hate it. Hate it more than slam poetry, more than steampunk, more than pirates.

The zombie thing is both the worst thing about us right now, and an indicator of even worse things about us, and to illustrate this, I will ask you to mentally think about the people you know that love zombies the most. Not the girls who pretend to like zombies and video games so boys will think they've found a unicorn, because those girls are worthless anyway; not the AMC dads or Twilight moms who are trying to be down with the kids these days. They have no effect on culture whatsoever.

I'm talking about your nerdy grumpy jerkoff friend who likes porn and zombies and dark shock-humor and hates women because he's scared of them and loves Tyrion Lannister more than anything and thinks his sarcasm is a defense or that being a cynic opts you out: That asshole. That's who you're being when you play along with the zombie bullshit. Don't do it. It's bad for the part of you that is still alive.

DEBORAH HARRY CAN FLOW LIKE A MOFO

Casey and Haley do their growly grumbly jazzy wiggly shimmy-dance and it's enjoyable to the degree that you can handle any of that kind of thing. I like looking at Casey, and I like Haley's intense makeup and cute dress, and the idea that they just happen to be singing this song together and scatting together and jamming and digging on each other, that's kind of fun to watch. Kind of, for a minute, but then it's just a whole yodeling growling scatting meltdown that sounds kind of like a rumble between Beanie Babies, and we out.