It never occurred to naïve little me what ideal pre-credits sequence fodder the homecoming parades would be, but of course now here it is, set to Simon and Garfunkel's "Homeward Bound." The onscreen titles warn us, "And one goes home tonight," before flashing us every possible permutation of the final two matchup. Of which there are only three, so it doesn't take that long.
The judges and Ryan enter down the aisle, Jennifer with a teal parachute wrapped around her waist. Ryan says the competition is "crazy-close," and announces that Adam Lambert and Lisa Marie Presley are performing tonight. The audience's reaction to the latter makes me want to check my TV's sound settings, because it doesn't sound anything at all like "Wha--?" Then the final three sing "Got to Get You Into My Life" by the Beatles. I have no theory on why that was picked, unless it has something to do with the late Michael Jackson's rights to the Lennon-McCartney catalog devolving to his ex? I don't know, that's less confusing than having to listen to this song in the form of a round.
Coming back, the couch-bleachers must be out in the alley, because the final three are all sitting in stools. The Ford Music video makes even less sense than usual, with a silent movie grafted onto a commercial, but at least Phil's still sitting them out. I'm actually morbidly curious about watching the last one next week, if Phil's in the top two and the other finalist has to do it alone. After that embarrassing interlude, Ryan lets each of the final three talk about how nervous they all are, and reminds us that Jason DeRulo still can't write a song without our help, and leads Joshua to center stage to start the results. Allegedly.
During Joshua's clips from last night, Jimmy says Josh had a good but not great night. "I'd Rather Be Blind" wasn't worth a standing ovation, he thought. "I think I was lying down at the time," he says. I'm sure lots of people have been over the years, to that song. Jimmy also thinks Joshua is the best showman in the competition, and had to overcompensate for the simple melody of "Imagine" with a lot of extra notes. Jimmy admits that his own choice for Joshua's third song, "No More Drama," didn't have enough melody for him, but Josh did a good job with it. After the clip, Joshua says he listens to everything Jimmy says, like he was the one being criticized for the last song. Oh, and results? None yet ,of course.
Then there's a taped bit in which Jennifer has to field calls from the characters in Ice Age, who are supposedly confusing Jennifer with somebody named Shira. Because, as it turns out, Jennifer voices a character by that name in the new sequel, as we learn when an animated saber-toothed tiger with her voice wanders into her dressing room to commiserate. Then there's zero transition to the top four (including Hollie) meeting a hyperkinetic singer-songwriter named Ester Dean at a studio to get their voices added to the mix for a song from the film. So have we sufficiently plugged Jennifer's new movie yet?