Carrie Underwood comes in, and Simon immediately signals that this is going to take forever, as though anyone watching this is in suspense about whether she's getting through, as though anybody cares, as though you're sitting on the very edge of your coma. But on the way to boring the ever-loving anything out of me, he says some interesting things about how they've had to let good people go in order to maintain the gender balance, basically. Which fascinates me. And then he says that those people, those good people who but for the hideous machinations of this show, would be well-advised to come back for next year. But of course, "You won't need to do that, because you're through to the next round." She covers her face and is wearing a total Seth Cohen green sweater with a aqua collar and too-long sleeves -- it's seriously so cute. She's nice and likeable and cool, and very happy.
Judd Harris, whom we've barely seen at all but is no less hot for that, does some splits in flashback and then tells the judges he's "hanging in there," and that it's been "a trying day." It is explained that there was a split decision, but it fell out in his favor. I just assume that this always means Simon hates the person. Judd smiles, and if you thought now was your chance to see him and how he is and what he's all about? Keep wishing. For now, lots of people in lots of makeup and capris, getting cut. I'm cool with that. Ivan Ganchev, who we'll see later, smiles sweetly when he's cut, and then Yolanda McIntosh's "journey" ends, but her giant Shunta face never, ever does.
Faith Gatewood is there now, and she wants you to know that she is VERY CONFIDENT AND HAPPY AND FULL OF JOY and I think she might kiss the camera man. She's got this whole Bunifa Latifa Sharifa Halifa Jackson, non-standard grammar, losing physical control at a high pace kind of thing going on. Then to "Hollywood," where it's not that great and there's a side ponytail in attendance. Specifically she reminds me of the video for the supremely irritating and insulting Destiny's Child song "Soldier" that the kids are listening to these days. The degree to which she just does not get it is very entertaining.
Simon's like, "We've had to make a decision based on the strongest girls and strongest guys today." Oh, okay. Is that good or bad? "It's bad. You haven't made the next round." I haven't? "You haven't." I didn't make it? "You didn't make it." Fucking seriously. And we got to watch it happen.