Not done! Justin's mom shitting herself, that big fat lying pink pants girl, people I don't remember, a crazy girl from week one, Mark McGrath, the not-at-all-fat but still talentless, irritating, and gross triplets, hot old Michael Luizza running out into traffic -- why do they do that so much? I've never done that, and I've had a bunch of really good days! -- the psychic psadsack and her psychic pschoolmarm, the Delmas dancing like fools, the really pretty blonde girl who pretended to be crazy in this one way where she yelled at the judges but was actually crazy in this other way, Brandy shaking her head and being all beautiful, some huge crowd shots, the group hug of Lashundra and LL caressing her pathetic head all sexy. A Molfetta being fucking hot, Leroy yelling "Can you dig it!" and Paula drunkenly yelling, "We can dig it!"
Finally, we get back to Ryan with a cute haircut, telling us next week's agenda: Monday it's the guys, Tuesday it's the ladies, and Wednesday it's the results. Then he names the final contestants as they dance like utter toolboxes in front of the camera: Judd Harris with the deep circles under his eyes, David Brown of the Lord, Bo Bice, Mario Vazquez in yet another awful hat, Anthony Federov, Travis Tucker, Scott Savol, Nikko Smith, Jared Yates with the sideburns, Joseph Mureno who at this moment completely changes my opinion of him through the power of dance, Constantine Maroulis, and Anwar Robinson are the guys.
Women: Nadia Turner, Selena Rae, Janay Castine, Lindsey Cardinale, Jessica Sierra, Melinda Lira, Vonzell Solomon, Amanda Avila, Mikalah Gordon, Carrie Underwood, Sarah Mather, and Aloha Micheaux, with a big stupid flower in her hair. There's no talk about how it's going to work (for three weeks, the bottom two "boys" and bottom two "girls" get voted out, until there are 12 total left), but basically it's like, "Just watch this show all the fucking time, every time you turn your TV on, and when there's no American Idol, that means it's the day we watch The O.C., and then it's Friday." Seacrest out.