Outside the Cuckoos' Nest, Ryan explains the whole self-fucking-evident deal of how the judges know the results but the contestants don't. Which is the point of judges, but also tells you just how faked-up and stupid this part is going to be. Randy starts explaining, explaining, explaining, and Paula's all fake crying and talking about how talented they all are, and it's funny because this causes a sniffle here and there, and they start getting a little louder and more like moans, and there are more and more of them, and it's like when you can hear it start raining, and then there's just crazy noises of crying. Then it hits a wall of some kind and the whole room goes fucking insane. Amanda Avila is in there. They all hug and it's utter chaos. Of course.
Can I tell you how much I absolutely love how they put all the nutjobs in one room, and then made them wait the longest so they'd stew in their own and everybody else's crazy, and then walked into this powder keg with a double-sized box of dicking them around and whipped them into a frenzy with lies and silences? It's gorgeous. Everybody just keeps crying and crying, because that's what they do. Bo Bice is a crazy man. Mikalah says into a phone, "I can't stop crying." It's like those stories you hear about church camp.
Back in the other room, the best thing is when one girl screams, "There is no next year!" Larry starts in immediately hating on everybody that ever had anything nice happen to them. Aa'shia attempts yet again to rally the troops, all, "Who knows what they were looking for?" I raise my hand, but not so high that she'll call on me. She starts yelling impotently into the camera, "I am the hottest thing in this country! I wasn't fed with no silver spoon! But I'm rich!" No Next Year girl and Larry continue to bitch and moan. Ross waves to the camera.
Out in the hall, the two eliminated groups commiserate, by which I mean that they all bitch and whine and say it's because they're fat, or whatever, or just because the universe is cruel and it's mysterious and what is the secret formula to getting through to the next round. So many people seem to be asking this that I almost think it comes down to not being the kind of person that would ask that, more than anything else. Larry with the fake stupid-ass contacts will not calm the fuck down. He starts biting out lame clichés like how "life is what you make of it" and then he says, awesomely, "I don't have apples right now, I don't have oranges. I have a little dried-up lemon. But I will take it and I will make lemonade. I know I'm good enough, I know I'm smart enough, I know I have talent. I know God don't make no junk." Aa'shia continues to scream. They all get in the elevator, laughing bitterly.
Then the good groups, that is, the non-losers, have a big freak-out and cheer about and for and near each other, and the music is very inspiring. Seacrest tells us that it's been three weeks since this event took place. Well, that's what he means; what he says is that the contestants were given three weeks off, and that the judges spent that time deliberating over the hours of video footage they'll use to make the last 20 eliminations live tomorrow. But if you're familiar with basic arithmetic, that means this all happened around the first week of the broadcasts this season -- so really, the judges were doing publicity for the new season that whole time, meaning that the already spurious "break" the contestants were "given" is heaped with a double scoop of lies, and again, show: why lie about this stuff? What's the point? Where the strong narrative line that justifies this kind of thing? Anyway, after tomorrow night, we'll have our Final 24 (and yeah, again he says about 12 "boys" and 12 "girls") -- which means, my notes say, that there could be "boys" and "girls" on planes maybe right this second headed back to "Hollywood," like maybe right over my head! Right now! Freaky!