American Idol
Knock It Off (The Box)

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now!
Knock It Off (The Box)

All the people you know already are now doing the math: 15 of the 24 spots have been taken. Amanda Avila does the math and laughs about how each person that makes it lowers her own chances.

Lindsey Cardinale gets called and as a group we remember how in New Orleans she sang in her many pieces of underwear. Now, because everyone's on the brink, she looks fucking broke-ass. She's so pretty, but she's had a horrible day and you can clearly tell. I don't know how it went for real, but in this edit she sits down and Simon immediately tells her she's through to the Top 24. And she's relieved, but not as relieved as she would be if she had her shit together right now, so she just gets up and walks out, happy as can be. God, these people are just all used up. I wish they could all have a big nap. I'd sing to them, a nice lullaby. "Magnet and Steel" by Walter Egan, I think. Sleepy little Idols.

Hey, remember Melinda Lira? Nope. I must say this is all kind of poorly-designed in some ways. The number of Jack in the Box contestants that are actually making it through is unconscionable. I know everything there is to know about Jaclyn Crum. I know her Social, okay. But I've never even seen the faces of half of the Top 24. And that's not my fault. What's the point of all this? Simon asks, "Do you think it would be the wrong decision if we sent you home?" and she Randys up, all, "Definitely, definitely." Simon tells her she's not going home. Neither is Mario, who cries and is awesome. First there is no Kim Holloway, and then there is Kim Holloway, and then she goes home.

Constantine's crotch all up in my face. God, I hate this show sometimes. He stares at Bo Bice and thinks dark thoughts because he knows that the machine is going to set them at each other's throats and it's so dumb because they are completely different, but whatever. His stupid smarmy face. He points out how suck-ass they were together. He is kind of cool as he talks about "rocker guys" and how they're "rocker guys" and it's clear he hates all of this -- but less cool, because why are you here? I mean, it's possible I'll stop hating him -- although not ever will I stop hating his stupid face or his stupid armpits or his rock star faces or everything else that is awful about him -- but that doesn't mean I'm going to softball it.

Harold "Bo" Bice is a lot cuter than he has been. At least he doesn't look all psycho-killer qu'est-ce que c'est like he did before, but whatever. Simon informs him that it wasn't unanimous. At all. "Yes sir, I think I understand sir." I know I do. And so he stands up to leave, and that's so awesome, because he's being a total dude here. He's like, he tried, and he's not going to get all Faith about it or anything. Awesome. I really, really like Bo Bice now. Sadly, it steps all over Simon's big scene he wants us all to see, although in some ways this is better. "No, it's not finished yet." I must admit to a gorgeous thrill right here. "Two people think you are very, very good." Bo straight up tells Simon he knows that Simon wasn't one of them, still in that polite and respectful way that isn't weak or vulnerable, just fair and good. I like him. On the elevator he looks really good all of a sudden. Constantine interacts with him in some way, and nobody else cares.

Jared Yates has totally fake contacts. Who the hell are you fooling? Do you just hate your ancestors, or…? I'm done talking about you. Although I am not done bitching about fake colored contacts, because I am absolutely never going to be done with that. Not until they are stopped. Constantine thinks it's slim-to-none for him now that Bice is in, and talks some fairly believable shit about how he's really "psyched" for Bo and really "psyched" for everyone because there's so much talent here. Randy puts him through and yells, "You made it. A rock and roller made it!" I'm so embarrassed.

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American Idol




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