American Idol
Knock It Off (The Box)

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now!
Knock It Off (The Box)

Paula explains that he's getting the awesome chance to prove that he has what it takes, and this might be his only shot, so he's grateful. "Work it out, Scott," calls Randy as he's leaving, and I wish he'd take that advice to heart and get some professional help. Downstairs, they're beatboxing. Scott comes down, and their statistical analysis will have to wait, because you would never be able to read him, because he's incredibly weird.

Warren and Travis are super-class in the elevator and they share a little hug and Travis is all, "After you, man," as they get off. They sit. Dude, I like both of them so much! Despite only having seen Travis once and Warren only just now! They joke with the judges and say how effing "cute" it is that they're up there together, sweating it out and being horrified for our benefit.

Randy: "Travis: hate to do this but…[forever]…you're through to the next round."
Travis: "Filthy. [Or maybe he calls Randy a bitch. I can't tell.]"

Everybody apologizes to Warren and there's another hug. Then there is Seacrestiana about the judges and a bullshit montage.

There's Rainbow Brightman, and Darren, and fucking Gene Simmons, and ADAM PRATT, and this old, old man but not the missing Busey one that recognized Kenny Loggins, some guy that looks like Paul Vogt in a soccer outfit, this other girl that looks like Stephanie Weir wearing a giant flower and dancing like whoa, the old man in question, that deaf Neil Diamond guy, the aerobic instructor with the prosthetic head over her real head, Mary Guilbeaux, the trio of losers, Regina, The Boy Who Loved Kelly, Elizabeth fucking Pha, Songs in the Key of Purple guy, Ryan pitching, some people having a good day, Lashandra, the judges, Kenny Loggins, ADAM PRATT and Dirk, some gay farmer dudes with their funky ways, this cool psycho sound effect mixed into the general inspirational music as Simon pretends to stab Paula, Aa'shia sucking, that cute mime, LL Cool J, the shadowboxing accountant, and a big girl we never saw doing half of a Kid N Play.

Not done! Justin's mom shitting herself, that big fat lying pink pants girl, people I don't remember, a crazy girl from week one, Mark McGrath, the not-at-all-fat but still talentless, irritating, and gross triplets, hot old Michael Luizza running out into traffic -- why do they do that so much? I've never done that, and I've had a bunch of really good days! -- the psychic psadsack and her psychic pschoolmarm, the Delmas dancing like fools, the really pretty blonde girl who pretended to be crazy in this one way where she yelled at the judges but was actually crazy in this other way, Brandy shaking her head and being all beautiful, some huge crowd shots, the group hug of Lashundra and LL caressing her pathetic head all sexy. A Molfetta being fucking hot, Leroy yelling "Can you dig it!" and Paula drunkenly yelling, "We can dig it!"

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American Idol




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