American Idol
Nonsense And Peppermints

Episode Report Card
Shack: C | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Screw all that peace and love stuff

Tuesday. Melodramatic Announcer: "Last week on American Idol, two dreams came to a sudden stop." Just give it up. EJay and Jim are probably going to show up at the auditions for the next music-reality show, like that awful new version of the Monkees they're planning, or whatever, so just quit it. Tonight, the remaining eight will sing, and tomorrow, one more contestant will be eliminated.

Credits. Black and Decker head out to The Octagon of Judgment in suits that would look pretty good if they actually fit properly. They repeat everything Melodramatic Announcer just said. Tonight's theme is "The '60s." They bring the kids out and the audience shrieks and cheers. Justin and R.J. are wearing the same shirt. Kelly is dressed like a woman wearing men's clothes, yet still reminding us that she's a woman. Somebody holds up a sign that reads, "We're lustin' for Justin!"

As the kids file back off, Black and Decker introduce the judges. Randy "Like A Rolling Stone" Jackson, gives one of his typical greetings and calls the audience "wild." Directly behind Randy is a group of people wearing really crappy home-made t-shirts begging us to vote for R.J. They are all uniformly pale and blond and look as though they're made entirely out of Wonder Bread. Creepy. Paula "Mrs. Robinson" Abdul looks like she's raided Tamyra's closet in attempt to look younger, wearing a lacy black blouse with giant sleeves. Before introducing Simon "War" Cowell, Black and Decker make a dumb crack about "absence making the heart grow fonder" regarding last week's results show, and a guy in the audience yells out, "Shut up!" Whoever you were, will you marry me? Simon, who surprises us all by wearing a pale blue tee rather than his usual black or white, gets an even mix of applause and boos this time. Brian asks him, "Simon, I like that shirt. Did you get it for Easter?" Did you steal that jacket from your dad's closet, you moron? Brian laughs at his own shitty, nonsensical joke. I hate people who do that. Some audience members actually boo Brian. Good for them. Simon doesn't respond and simply pretends that Brian doesn't exist.

Before we get to the singing and egos and all, Black and Decker tell us that the kids decided that they just aren't wholesome enough and spent a day last weekend helping Habitat for Humanity build a home for needy people. We get a clip show of the kids arriving at the building site in their [product-placed] cars. So help me god, Ryan is wearing a belly shirt to go help build a house. The editors take their cue from Bunim-Murray and have R.J. explain to us in an interview what Black and Decker have already said twice. And then Black and Decker repeat it again. They're building a house for charity. They're building a house for charity. For this charity, they are building a house. Charity. House. Charity. House. The house is for Elsa and Demitrius Soltzer. A.J. tells the camera, "Today isn't about us; it's about them," which is why there aren't any cameras there, and why they're not going to be showing clips from this volunteer work all night long so the kids can all pat themselves on the back for not patting themselves on the back for doing charity work. Kelly jokes that it's fun because she gets to "beat things." Elsa says that it feels good to have a home. She hugs Tamyra and Christina. Tamyra says that "it's a beautiful" thing to know that she helped this couple's dream come true. Justin (Eeeeeeee!) autographs something. It ends with a group shot of the kids, the family, and a thousand other volunteers and/or production assistants shouting, "Habitat for Humanity!"

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American Idol

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